Valentines Poll: Expat Balinese Romances

[pooochie]

Hi Kadek and Thorsten

:shock: This is a surprising post for the forum. I am lost for words.

Sorry Ni Luh, but at the moment we have better things to do instead of receiving unwanted phone calls or taking pictures

I suggested I talk to Kadek on your phone as proof of you being together, I did not call you, I swear on my cat's life – it must have been someone else.

Well best of luck to the two of you and I will not bother you both again.

Ni Luh

 

[MUDCRAB]

Re: RE: Valentines Poll: Expat Balinese Romances

I have read and seen you private section in your web site, so know how you perceive things.

So Jabadoodar, you have been playing 'Crow on the Fence' then
As you may see the private section of my board is a 'Claytons' section 'the section you're having when you're not having one'.. an (Aussie saying )

And how did you get in :shock: it should be password protected :roll:

You could have announced yourself as..as...well maybe ....Violet :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

[JabberWokker]

Hello again Mr Mudcrab,

And how did you get in it should be password protected

You forget so easily, it was my wife pooochie that discovered that you had your back door open and you acknowledged this and set up the security. Not to say that it can’t be hacked :shock: :lol:

So since Tommy has PMed you, are you going to participate in the forum full time again :?:

 

[MUDCRAB]

That’s right I forgot that small detail

I might post again but, if you have read the RockPool and my posts you would know I have the attention span of a Gnat :shock:

Been working O/S for a while but, I'm back now, well till March and then we are off to the Philippines and Singers for 4 weeks..sorta R&R

Gotta keep looking for some place to live in retirement as I don't what to encroach on Roy's private Island now do I

 

[Tommy]

Bali welcomes anyone who welcomes Bali! :wink: Never say never..

 

[Jimbo]

Tommy

If the word is not offensive and has different connotations to the one I know ,you will obviously have no objection to me saying you are a wankah (spelt correctly?) or should that be plonkah?

I am sure with your command of english nuances you know that there is no offence meant and I am sure none will be taken.

 

[Davo]

Hey Guys. Can i assume you all know each other really well and all is fun and humour?

Or are things getting a bit bitchee in this thread?

Curious Newbie

 

[matahari]

Sorry amigo, but I guess I’ll just have to throw you into the same dumpster as Jimbo with his previous comment.

Frankly, I’m disgusted with both of you. I will abstain from further comment, as I promised Bert to keep my cool...but aside from that promise, I would jumping down each of your throats with the most pedas sambal I could find!

Roy boy,
You sure are an angry fellow, must be hard not being able to accept that other people have a different opinon then you, always gets rude and spit out some stupid or nasty comment. Your life in an Ubud village is problably alot different from the life in for example the Seminyak area, where there is alot more Indo/western relationships. I'm not saying that it is a fact, just that from what I have seen and experienced over the years I'v got a strong feeling that many of the indo women/men that has relationships with westerners has some sort of agenda. And that among other reasons like comunication difficulties, culture differences etc is why I personally think it's hard to find a Indonesian "soulmate".

An old man otften wrote “Many are called, but few are chosen" I guess you are one of those lucky few.

Anyhow I think you should keep your promise to Bert and keep it COOL...
I know that is like asking a streetdog to stop itching, it’s just not gonna happen is it?

Maybe anger management would do you some good :twisted:

 

[Tommy]

Matahari

An old man otften wrote “Many are called, but few are chosen" I guess you are one of those lucky few.

This sound just odd to me. It's Roy who wrote this and i wouldn't call him an old man. Pekak Puto is old...

Matahari

I know that is like asking a streetdog to stop itching

Now now boys no need for that.. :shock:

-------------------

Davo,
Your correct. It's all fun and humour. I value Jimbo's posts and his input.

Jimbo,
heh i accept.

 

[Roy]

Kim....THE SWEDE...heads up! I already apologized to Jimbo on this string for what I wrote. Maybe you missed it...or more likely ignored it in an effort to stir me up. Nope, I’m not falling for it.

You write,

Your life in an Ubud village is problably alot different from the life in for example the Seminyak area, where there is alot more Indo/western relationships.

Really? Can you share with us your stats to back that up? Did you read that in the “Yak” or somewhere else?

You also write,

I'v got a strong feeling that many of the indo women/men that has relationships with westerners has some sort of agenda. And that among other reasons like comunication difficulties, culture differences etc is why I personally think it's hard to find a Indonesian "soulmate".

For you Kim....THE SWEDE...I have no doubt this is true.

 

[matahari]

Roy.. THE AMERICAN.. heads down! Yes you appoligized to Jimbo, what does that have to do with your unjustified verbal attack on me?

Regarding what I wrote about it being more indo/western relationships in the Seminyak area then in Ubud.. Sorry Roy, I can't back it up with any stats, I doubt there is any.. but just wake up, there is alot more westerners in Seminyak then in Ubud, so what do you think.

And finaly about your last remark..
If your trying to imply that the comunication and cultural differences wasn't a problem for you in the begining of you and your soulmates relationship, ya then I would either call you a liar or (as you americans so nicely put it) a lucky son of a bitch

Adios padre

 

[Dyah]

i think the cultural problem... the different way man think ... is a very big problem for mix couple... especially in the first time of relationship. I and my husband needed 3 years to work with this theme ... eventough we have´nt language problem (he´s lucky guy .. he don´t need learn Bahasa!). It´s like make a building ... we must put the right and strong ground in the relationship ... and every day is learning the new knowledge from our partner. I think it was for me 3 important years for me until we married 13 years ago... :shock: 13 year! How is the time running!

 

[Roy]

Kim, what I reacted to was this initial comment you made:

“I think finding a indonesian soulmate here in Bali is a very very hard thing to do... sure there is no problem finding a girl/boy friend or a wife/husband... they are all lined up, at least if you have some money.”

That comment rang in my ears as very demeaning to Indonesian women, Balinese in particular. The phrase, “they are all lined up” is a very strong inference is that these women are prostituting themselves and that their only interest in a western man is for his money. While that may well be the case for some, it’s no different in the West, hence the term “gold digger.”

You now write:

“If your trying to imply that the comunication and cultural differences wasn't a problem for you in the begining of you and your soulmates relationship, ya then I would either call you a liar or (as you americans so nicely put it) a lucky son of a bitch.”

In any relationship there are problems to sort out, and things to get used to with each other. This can be the case even if one marries the girl or boy they grew up with next door. Communication was not a problem for us as my wife’s English is excellent. Additionally her education level is almost on par with my own. Cultural differences were not a real issue as frankly I enjoy the Balinese culture more than my own, thus I freely embraced it.

If a man or woman comes to Bali looking for a “trophy” spouse to bring home to their own country, then you bet there will be problems. No one in any culture wants to be used.

In my view, finding a real soul-mate is no more difficult here than anywhere else in the world. When I think of “soul-mate” cultural differences do not come to mind as the soul is not culturally inspired, nor does it rely on language to communicate. Soul-mates can tell what each are thinking by instinct and only a glance at each other often tells all. Yes, I am a very lucky “son of a wonderful woman” as is anyone who finds the right spouse and “soul-mate.” This can happen anywhere and at any time. That’s my view.

 

[Ratih]

I personally don't have problems with cultural differences. Me and my husband got married knowing very little of each other culture. Looking back, I think what really helped us to work out some "cultural issues" were that we both had and still have willingness to step out of our "comfort zone."

When we were still dating, though, what bothered me most, not cultural differences itself, but the way people ( Indonesian in general, and Balinese in specific) treated a mixed couple. I understand your experience may be different. In my experience, people tend(sp) to look at the woman as a gold digger or somewhat a prostitute. They would just freely said this nasty comments openly in public.

 

[Roy]

I understand your experience may be different. In my experience, people tend(sp) to look at the woman as a gold digger or somewhat a prostitute. They would just freely said this nasty comments openly in public.

Sorry you experienced that. My wife and I never have, either here in Bali, Java, Lombok, Singapore, Bangkok, etc, etc.

 

[Bert Vierstra]

Re: RE: Valentines Poll: Expat Balinese Romances

I understand your experience may be different. In my experience, people tend(sp) to look at the woman as a gold digger or somewhat a prostitute. They would just freely said this nasty comments openly in public.

Sorry you experienced that. My wife and I never have, either here in Bali, Java, Lombok, Singapore, Bangkok, etc, etc.

Dewi and I have.....

Even a police officer in Sanur did make nasty remarks

When I complained, he got a bit scared, but when I walked away he told his friend, that "It always are the tourists that make problems"

Even on Dewi's school, people send Dewi anonymous SMS's that she is a "nener", and suggest that when I am to the south I am renting girls there...

Jealous I suppose....

 

[Dyah]

Re: RE: Valentines Poll: Expat Balinese Romances

I understand your experience may be different. In my experience, people tend(sp) to look at the woman as a gold digger or somewhat a prostitute. They would just freely said this nasty comments openly in public.

Sorry you experienced that. My wife and I never have, either here in Bali, Java, Lombok, Singapore, Bangkok, etc, etc.

Dewi and I have.....

and I have too in Indonesia or in other country... especially in the village or litte town... As Asian woman, who live in other country is not easy ... exist stereotyp from asian-girl...

At first time i had this experience, i was hurt .. angry ... But in the moment is ok ... i learnt from my experience, and see that people as dumb.

 

[Thorsten]

I guess, there will be no place on earth, where a „mixed“ couple will not be confronted with this kind of prejudice, strange sentiments or even latent racism sometimes.
Sometimes you can feel these glances, you realise the whispers and the giggles from the other table.

Yes Dyah, they are only dumb and the best way to deal with this stupidity is to embarrass them.

When I was together with a coloured (German) woman years ago, I could feel this sometimes too, but since she was used to this all over her life and did not had a problem with it, we always had a blast when it came to these moments.

On time, we were sitting in a café, when these other people at the neighbour table were staring at us all the time and obviously joking about us.
Suddenly I said loud: “If you don’t be nice now, I will send you back to your crappy little hut in Africa!”
She answered: „I can have ten others tomorrow, but hey, you still owe me the money for the last three nights!”
We had our fun to play this little game and a good laugh too, afterwards.

Yes Bert, I guess most of the guys were simply jealous, I enjoyed them staring, while the spittle was running out of their mouths. :wink:

Best regards
Thorsten

 

[matahari]

Roy,

I can understand that you reacted on my post, especially that about "them being lined up" it was a clumsy and wrong generalisation. The reason why I wrote it like that is mostly because I have seen and experienced so much of it, I´m not claiming to be an expert but like I wrote in my last post, here in seminyak there is probably another scene then in Ubud, and the fasade many put up is often obvious once you learn to spot it. And also it's very anoying when locals generalise us westernes (expats) of being all the same, made of money, having nice indo girlfriend and paying them with clothes etc.

I agree, soulmates has nothing to do with either culture or comunication, more some sort of spirituel bond.

You have lived in Bali for many years and you have alot of knowledge about Bali and I think many on this forum respects you for that also including me, but there has to be a way for you to be nicer to people that sometimes doesn't share your view of things.

 

[Tommy]

I understand your experience may be different. In my experience, people tend(sp) to look at the woman as a gold digger or somewhat a prostitute. They would just freely said this nasty comments openly in public.

I overhear similar dirty talk usually right after one passes by in the streets etc etc. "My ears" :wink: can process 4 languages and i'm very observant so i usually know what kind of people i'm dealing with and know "what's comin". That is, unfortunately, why my fiancé and i nowadays stay away from certain areas. It can get too frustrating and annoying to hear rude and ignorant people take out their frustration on us.

Some useful phrases, both roughly meaning "you should be ashamed of yourself talking like that!"

Indo
Ngga tahu malu ngomong seperti itu!

Bali
Sing nawang lek orahang keto-keto!

.. stay cool 8)