Valentines Poll: Expat Balinese Romances

[Tommy]

great post Jabber! :lol: I'm glad you took my explanation the right way. I will surely use the :lol: instead of the from now on whenever i throw in my far-fetched humour... or maybe i should just refrain from it until i get to know the person better. :shock: I didn't assume any of you guys, jimbo, matahari or you picked up girls in Bars nor would it bother me if you did. I think the point was that there were some views that i felt was abit too stereo-typical, but that had nothing to do with my word-game. :?

The beans are on offer on Isle 3?

Nah it didn't happen like that really. :lol: A sudden heavy monsoon rainshower stopped me on my way to class in Denpasar in i think -98. I didn't bring a "mantel" (raincoat) so i had to go look for one in the nearby supermarket. She worked there (not in the actual supermarket-part but another company) and i was simply chatting with her by the cash-register before i had to get on to class. About a month later i got 2 free rafting-tickets to the Ayung River from my Guru coz he was afraid of water. Apparently he won them at a Nusa Dua conference of some sort.. I accepted them and though it might be fun to ask the her out for this rafting-experience which was also new to me. Badabing badaboom we became good friends and did similar activities for about 1 year before we both felt those lovin' emotions... as i said earlier i was abit thick-headed and unexperienced when it came to ladies, though this was after high-school. :shock:

The Big M-word
We havn't got married due to several reasons. First we havn't felt we're ready for it. Secondly I had to sort out and adjust my economy and work to Bali. Thirdly, since we'll marry as Hindus with a traditional Balinese wedding at home in Denpasar we have to build a Bale-Bali. This is where all the offerings will be prepared and possibly the ceremony take place in. Her family is not a wealthy one so both of us has been contributing from our different incomes to both renovate the family-compund, support her brothers and sisters highschool and univeristy-fees and also to save up for a very large solid fine-stone bale-bali. Then there are expenses for the actual ceremony with a very extensive guest-list as we both know tons of people in Bali and abroad who might come. Needless to say.. it takes time for us to prepare our wedding. Now on the otherhand my work and new income has given us free hands so the bale-bali will be built after this monsoon-season. As it has been built we'll just have to "feel around" and ask ourselves if it's the approperiate time to get married. And of course... i have to ask her fathers permission and probably discuss my intentions with people from her large family or banjar before we get "green light". :wink: No rush though. Everyone knows me and i am a part of the family, but we havn't made that official move quite yet.

ps. anyone here.. please don't feel refrained from calling me a wankah. to me it's all goood! :lol: (bugil beneran nih! :lol: )

 

[JabberWokker]

Hi Tommy,

Good post. Good luck with the wedding.

Despite being married for seven years I am also getting pressure of having to do a proper Balinese Wedding when I get to Bali. I am a bit nervous about this, but it gives me an excuse for another stag night. All expats in Bali invited, including yourself. Or maybe should we go to Thailand for the weekend :lol:

Regards,

JabberWokker.

 

[Thorsten]

Err, eh, Ni Luh

Kadek & Thorsten :wink:

 

[pooochie]

Kadek & Thorsten :wink:

:shock: Congratulations 8)

I am very happy for you both. So the predication is true and you will end up in Bali .

Kadek: Where are we going to go for the “Hen Night” :?: How about Christmas Island and we will spend the mens money :lol: or Berlin offers some interesting party areas :lol:

Best wishes

Ni Luh

 

[Roy]

Jabber...not to kick a sleeping dog as you and Tommy worked this out very well...but a question. Is the w*****ker word used and perceived differently by the English versus the Australians? I ask this only because I hear that word used with some frequency by my Ozzie expat friends and it seems innocent enough as they banter the word about like it’s a tennis ball.

Jimbo, I should apologize for coming down on you so hard. When I wrote that post last night I had just returned from a function at the Amandari and met someone from the US who was so prejudicial about the Balinese. Thankfully this person doesn’t live here in Bali, just staying a month at the Amandari. Funny isn’t it, how so many people with lots of money can be so dumb? My point is, I was already primed and ready to fire.

Here in Bali it isn’t all that easy even for Balinese men to meet Balinese women. For the vast majority of Balinese, they simply do not socialize in bars, nor do they often eat in restaurants. For them it’s the local warungs were they may meet and talk with friends. Most villages have within their adat system something like a “young person’s organization.” This group within the banjar consists of the unmarried men and women of the village. Most of these groups hold what they call a Basar every year to raise funds for the village temples/schools, etc.

These events consist of food and beverage within a temporary facility, often very creatively assembled, and they provide music and other entertainment. These last about three or four days, and for the young people affords them a great opportunity to meet other young men and women from other villages. Schools and temple ceremonies also provide another opportunity for the youth to meet each other, form friendships, and maybe find their “dream” spouse.

Understandably enough, this topic, “how did you meet your spouse” gets kicked around in expat discussions with some frequency. Some of the ways these two ships passing in the night actually anchored together are:

-On a plane
-At work
-She was my student (school girl uniform fetish)?
-At temple, or some type of ceremony...including one couple at a cremation!
-At Matahari.... or other shopping
-Introduced by a friend
-At a seminar
-On the beach
-She was my pembantu

And even one expat that married his masseuse! Now THAT is one smart guy!

Anyway Jimbo, I hope no hard feelings!

 

[Jimbo]

None whatsoever Roy. My post was nothing to do with the Balinese but more about expat men. I was fairly certain I would get a strong reaction and not only from you. It is not a condamnation of either the girls or the boys or even the circumstances that bring them together.

It was more about my observations of the last 33 years and what I have seen in the counties I have lived and worked in. Poochie changed the criteria from just Bali to Indonesia in general. I am guilty of widening the horizons even further

The ceremony you talk about reminds me of the time I was a Gurkha liason officer in Nepal looking for candidates to recruit for the British Army. There was a similar kind of party held in the village. All the girls were on one side of the room and all the boys on the other. After a period of time for food and a wicked kind of local rum everybody started to laugh.

I was the only westerner there and I noticed one or two girls giggling at me ( I was slim and had a full head of hair in those days) Any how all of the parents who had been serving us with the rum gave some what knowing glances. They turned off the kerosene lights and left the room. The next moment in the darkness and out of the shadows came the girls who jumped all of the boy of choice and immediately started kissing and many other things. This was the way of getting to know future husbads and wives and was actively encouraged by the village elders.

What happend to me you will have to wait for my bookto find out

 

[Jimbo]

Wan**r in English is a very offensive term and is said only to a person you want to insult deeply and be prepared for a fist in the face in return.

Its literal translation is "masturbater" but it goes much deeper than this and is used to convey a term of someone who has no worth.

Not worth playing word games Tommy in a language where you do not understand all the nuances.

 

[BLI GEDE]

Well,
The water is good and boiling hot, so now seems like a great time to jump in! (truthfully, I don't seem to have the sense of self-preservation God gave a fork.)

My vote is for...

YES: love is love and relationships can form anywhere.

As Tommy describes himself as being a bit "thick", I seem to be similarily afflicted. After I met my wife-to-be, It was a few years of letters and visits before anything further developed.

A female friend of mine said to me, on the occasion of her parents' 50th anniversary, that it seemed to her that some of the most successful marriages existed because the couple didn't " fall in love at first sight". They saw one another with all their flaws and weaknesses and decided to make it work, rather than ducking out when dawn's first rays revealed their mate to not be quite as hmmm...Brad-Pitt-esque or Scarlett-Johansson-like as originally anticipated.

At the time I was young-dumb-and-full-of...rum. This revelation seemed a bit boring to me at the time, but as our relationship developed and marriage followed I think my friend was right. Now 10 years on and we are 3. We have certainly had ups and downs, as everyone does I suppose, but we're working at it. I think that mixed couples have a unique layer of problems that don't occur with same-culture partnerships.

When a Western person," Marries Asian" there are certainly prejudices and stereotypes that will be faced by both parties. Before we were married I thought I had a fair picture of what we would face and from whom. I have had some very unlikely people give us support and some seemingly genuine people act like rat bastards.

Par example...
When sorting out my wife's immigration status here, I had to get some bit of paper from the taxation department. After about an hour in front of M(r)s. disinterested civil servant, she sucked in half the quantity of air in the office, exhaled loudly and asked why I hadn't simply married One-Of-My-Own? I waited for the smile..."Could I please speak with your supervisor Maam...":cry:

or...
There once was a Pak Immigrasi from Java,
He felt himself to be ratha' clava',
He sneered ,"Your Wifey's new bliss
will end with the kiss
from the first Thai girl that'll Have Ya!":shock: :evil:

On the upside, we've got half the neighbors hooked on Moose Sate and Lumpia!

I was VERY nervous to meet my new to me mom...On the way to my wife's kampung, (Jatim) she became extremely ill and tried to introduce all of Indonesia to the contents of her stomach. Our well planned and casual entrance consisted of me CARRYING her into her mother's house, putting her into bed, going to the kitchen to root around for a "spitoon" while Ibu stripped said daughter. Then I introduced myself ...ah yes, I'm sure she could see the lovely effect I was having on her daughter...:roll:

Sometime later she told my wife that SHE was so nervous in anticipation of having a bule in her house. What would I eat, why did her daughter want to be with a hairy white man (yes, her words), how would we communicate...When the above tableau unfolded, all these concerns vanished. She said that seeing her in my arms made her feel that I loved her. She added that it helped that I ate rice and tempeh,wasn't fat or hairy, and spoke Indonesian. (ok, those are my words):wink:

As a secondary consideration, I'll admit that Indonesian women are a fascination for me. I suppose we are all wired differently. The"standard kit" that gets males' attantion in the West doesn't do much for me, but By God, 5 minutes at the market with a bevy of trash talking vegetable sellers...be still my beating heart!

I'll open my shirt and wait for the bullet here...In travels through Sumatra and Java, I found it difficult to relate to females on a platonic level. There were so many cultural and religious demarcations that a simple conversation couldn't progress very far before either a) The female felt that it wasn't,"right" to speak with me...OR...b) Bystanders implied that I was "after" the female, whereupon I felt uncomfortable.

The situation in Bali felt very different though. The reason that I relate this is that it has been suggested that can be difficult to find the right "mate" on Bali. At lest in the Balinese environment there is the freedom to have more than a fleeting snapshot of someone's personality and get to a point where real development can take place. Also, don't forget that many expats are fairly mobile and have the wherewithall to get around as we please and feel that we can speak to whomever we desire (personal limitations aside). Perhaps for Bali/Bali "mate-seeking" this is not the case. If your social scene is tied to your banjar and you're busy making a living, your mixing and mingling is going to be constrained somewhat. No?

Ok, I'm beginning to ramble, and I see that my glass has become distinctly and markedly scotchless...off to the kitchen I pad.

Matur Suksema, Bli Gede

 

[Tommy]

Not worth playing word games Tommy in a language where you do not understand all the nuances.

Sorry to both Jimbo and Jabber if you find it offensive but it had, as Roy said, nothing to do with Brittish. I don't know any Britts and most of my mates are Ozzies. I didn't say Wanker did i? I said Wankah! Wankah .. with -ah ending is not the same as Wanker .. with -er ending. It seems you both translated a good fun ozzie expression into a britt-insult. I think YOU are the ones who have to get to know all the nuances of English abit better before you start choppin' down this Swede.. mate! :lol:

 

[jill]

hi Tommy
you are & never will be a W....r, far too nice a person, don't let any school girl bully get to you mate

Bar girls in uk, o ya right, there are just as many there. I'm a brit ...

as for long engagements, thats up to each person and their comfort zone ... not any ones else's problem

 

[JabberWokker]

Good Morning Tommy,

Another cold day for us Europeans in Europe

I have to admit I did do my research and thought that you were trying to phonetically create the word “wanker” and as you did not deny this earlier then my reasons must be just.

Searching the word Wankah on the world wide web:

Dictionary.com
No entries, suggestions include “wanker”. I wonder why this comes up :lol:

Google Searches
Used many times in forums in conjunction quite often with many
four letter words not to be entered here. It's funny to read some of the posts.

urbandictionary.com
brendan. a very scary kid who has holes in his pockets and his cell phone is a banana.
amy loved his wankah-ness when she reached in brendan's pockets. we know you liked that amy

So I must be a scary kid who has holes in his pockets and his cell phone is a banana :? :lol: . So how do I dial out Tommy? :lol:

Jabber...not to kick a sleeping dog as you and Tommy worked this out very well...but a question. Is the w*****ker word used and perceived differently by the English versus the Australians? I ask this only because I hear that word used with some frequency by my Ozzie expat friends and it seems innocent enough as they banter the word about like it’s a tennis ball.

Wan**r in English is a very offensive term and is said only to a person you want to insult deeply and be prepared for a fist in the face in return.

Hi Roy,

Jimbo is completely correct. Thanks Jimbo.

:idea: Let's put this to bed. ColinF it would be good to have your view here, and we can take it as the gospel on the subject as you are a British expat living in Bali, and you can have the last word on this subject instead of Tommy :lol:.

-------

Getting back to the subject of Valinetine’s my wife is really picking on me for being busy. I think Valintine’s is for secret admirers or couples not yet married, but I have to celebrate every year. Anyone here got anything interesting planned or funny stories :?:

 

[Tommy]

Yeah but Colin is a Britt! We need Ozzie-input. I have already PM'ed Mudcrab!! :lol:

 

[jill]

why is valentines just for secret admirers or couples not married, Jabberwokker ????

do you know nothing about the female sex ??????????????????????????????

don't matter how long or how old, we girls like romance, love & lots of loving

 

[JabberWokker]

Hi Jill,

Bar girls in uk o ya right there are just as many there I'm a brit

I must be naive, in my city there are no “bar girls” and I have not seen any in any other town/city I have visited.

When I was younger you would have to chat up a girl and take her out for dinner etc. and then things may happen. I have never been anywhere where you can go for a drink and the girls that serve you will take you home for your sex for a tenner :lol: I would imagine if this did happen in the UK it would be a very popular pub.

Do you mean brothels :?: None I know of in my City, as the men are happy anyway. Yes they do exist everywhere around the world and for thousands of years, however there is a massive difference between going to a brothel and the “bar girl” phenomenon.

As a matter of interest have you ever been to Bangkok :?:
Can you give me an example of a “bar” that has ”bar girls” in the UK :?: of course no brothels included.

do you know nothing about the femail sex ??????????????????????????????

Yes no problems there . It was just my opinion. I do celebrate valentines, as you will know through the posts. This year I will be busy so can't do our normal thing.

Hi Tommy,

Yeah but Colin is a Britt! We need Ozzie-input. I have already PM'ed Mudcrab!!

Look forward to hearing from Mudcrab, his posts were always fun to read.

P.S. He is a Brit also

 

[Kadek]

Some of the ways these two ships passing in the night actually anchored together are:

-On a plane
-At work
-She was my student (school girl uniform fetish)?
-At temple, or some type of ceremony...including one couple at a cremation!
-At Matahari.... or other shopping
-Introduced by a friend
-At a seminar
-On the beach
-She was my pembantu

And even one expat that married his masseuse! Now THAT is one smart guy!

Oom Roy,

Don’t forget to add the Internet……such as this marvelous Forum. With Ni Luh now a confirmed successful matchmaker, we can surely attract more active memberships through this new adventure….off course in English as well as a special menu option at Ni Luh’s Warung Kucing…..

Congratulations 8)
I am very happy for you both. So the predication is true and you will end up in Bali
Kadek: Where are we going to go for the “Hen Night” :?: How about Christmas Island and we will spend the mens money :lol: or Berlin offers some interesting party areas :lol:

Dear Ni Luh,

I am forever grateful to you for delivering my “Pesanan Special”. I am sure Thorsten is also.

Sorry to disappoint, Ni Luh and Mbak Dyah, the other two warriors can now go and look for other Balinese Angels as I have already set my heart on one. Too bad, will miss out on Brad Pitt……but I think he might be too busy with Angelina Jolie…..and though an Angel myself, I am no match for a Tomb Raider. Ihhhhhhhhh takut Hantu!

Ah, Hen Night………Ni Luh, I trust that as my Forum sister and matchmaker, you will host a fabulous night for me. Nothing embarrassing please…..but spending his money shopping sounds great! Mbak Dyah, can you spot some nice and off course expensive shopping options in Bali while you are there? Off course looking fabulous, then perhaps Ni Luh and I will go and gamble some of his money on Christmas Island and then if we still have some left (or maybe Lady Luck is with me) go on a second shopping sphere in Europe.

So does this sound okay Ni Luh? :wink:

Regards

Kadek

 

[MUDCRAB]

Well I voted for Number two...that’s if anyone is interested.

Now why on earth are you tow Jim and Jabber getting offside with the term Wanker??

How can you shrinking violets take offence at that term, you must be thin skinned.
I can remember Tommy and Roy referring to me as Mudcrap, did I get up set No, just come back with a small dig

Ya both Pommies eh, I thought you were made of better stuff than that; being called a Wanker is no big deal. :lol:

 

[Tommy]

What is comes down to really, from what Mudcrab's, Roy's and my own experience tells us, is that the perception of the word Wankah/Wanker is very different in Britain compared to Down under. In my case, since i don't know any Britts and only Ozzies you can probably imagine where parts of my expressions come from. I rest my case!

Game, Set ==> Tommy the wankah! :lol:

 

[JabberWokker]

Hi Mudcrab,

Well I voted for Number two...that’s if anyone is interested.

I am.

Now why on earth are you tow Jim and Jabber getting offside with the term Wanker??

I thought the discussion was over until Tommy and Jill restarted it, Jill obviously misread as she thinks Tommy is the victim.

How can you shrinking violets take offence at that term, you must be thin skinned.

Not thin skinned just more civilised, but I will adjust and make sure I act accordingly. I have read and seen you private section in your web site, so know how you perceive things.

Ya both Pommies eh, I thought you were made of better stuff than that; being called a Wanker is no big deal.

It’s all relevant: to you it’s nothing and to me it is something. My upbringing taught me to reserve swear words for only when the occasion needs them to be used as a form of highlighting your verbal or written statements. I do use swear words generally but as I said only towards people I know and this does not include the term "wanker". However saying that if this forum promotes this behaviour then lets party on

or

for the second time, can we move on….

 

[pooochie]

My Dearest Kadek

So does this sound okay Ni Luh?

Well I think you should have waited two and a bit months and posted under a new thread called April Fool’s day :lol:

I would change your password on the forum so Thorsten can’t login under your id if I were you. If anyone did not realise Kadek’s post was from Germany.

I don’t believe for one moment that you would fly all the way to Germany just to see Thorsten. If you did do this or plan to then you have missed my advice, let them chase you.

Looking forward to a stitched picture of you and Thorsten at his house in Germany :lol:

Best wishes

Ni Luh

 

[Thorsten]

Sorry Ni Luh,

maybe you are right, or maybe not - who knows :roll:

The angel still sleeps and eh, we don’t have to prove anything, but let’s see, you were talking with her in Bahasa Indonesia, you thought it was me (good laugh) and asked her to write in Balinese, well she did so (was this also me?), from where should I have her log in and why should I do this?
Both online at the same time? Well, I have three computers here!
Sorry Ni Luh, but at the moment we have better things to do instead of receiving unwanted phone calls or taking pictures (or maybe stitching pictures), hope you will understand this. 8)

Best regards
Thorsten

PS: Think I will go and wake her up now – so boring without her