Markit, in your opinion are ALL Balinese husbands obnoxious, self-centered, I-am-king assholes or just ones married to westerners?
Not to defend Markit (god forbid):topsy_turvy:, but he mentioned "Indonesian" husbands, not specifically Balinese husbands.
Hey Shell,
I'd be happy to catch up for a drink and a chat-I'm coming over in June for 3 weeks to have a good look into the visas etc. I don't have kids....yet....but there's always hope! I think Ron B sugested a Balipod get together-I reckon that sounds great as long as everyone's cooled off from this thread!
PM me or I will you closer to my arrival...and Markit.....have a Snickers! :-D
I'd be happy to catch up for a drink and a chat-I'm coming over in June for 3 weeks to have a good look into the visas etc. I don't have kids....yet....but there's always hope! I think Ron B sugested a Balipod get together-I reckon that sounds great as long as everyone's cooled off from this thread!
PM me or I will you closer to my arrival...and Markit.....have a Snickers! :-DNope, don't think so
He's been living in Ubud for about 2 years now, while the OP is definitely just moving in
joji, you're right - I was just assuming. I guess I'm just focused on "Balinese" since my son-in-law is Balinese, my daughter is American, and they have a 10 month old and a 3 year old. They tell me they plan on moving from the USA to Bali in a year and this whole conversation is hitting a little close to the heart.
Don't let it get to you mate. Trust and believe in your daughter and son-in-law. Not all Indonesian/Balinese husbands are as Markit described, and not all old white fellas in Bali are pedophiles. And, I know of white husbands married to Indonesian women who were attentive and loving while living in Indonesia, and became obnoxious white male chauvinistic assholes when they took their wives back to their country of origin, but not all were like that, as not all Indonesian/Balinese husbands are as Markit describes them.
Life is what you make it. :topsy_turvy:
Last edited:
No it's Trueist.
I've really had a good think and can not hand on heart come up with a successful example of a western woman married to an Indonesian man that is living here. Without a miss they've all told me (the women) that, in so far as the man was in the west, the minute they got back "home" they turned into chauvinistic, Me Tarzan, you Jane, lazy, boozers that felt the missus should pay for everything "he" desired including in most cases, his girlfriend.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for lazy boozers with girlfriends - it's a life-style choice that is very close to my heart but I just feel that if maybe one young woman has a second thought because of something written here then Great!
Oh, and Bjbjrowe - don't let them do it!
I'm a firm believer in the Wilhelm Busch saying "Ist der Ruf erst ruiniert, Lebt es sich ganz ungeniert."
I've really had a good think and can not hand on heart come up with a successful example of a western woman married to an Indonesian man that is living here. Without a miss they've all told me (the women) that, in so far as the man was in the west, the minute they got back "home" they turned into chauvinistic, Me Tarzan, you Jane, lazy, boozers that felt the missus should pay for everything "he" desired including in most cases, his girlfriend.
Don't get me wrong I'm all for lazy boozers with girlfriends - it's a life-style choice that is very close to my heart but I just feel that if maybe one young woman has a second thought because of something written here then Great!
Oh, and Bjbjrowe - don't let them do it!
I'm a firm believer in the Wilhelm Busch saying "Ist der Ruf erst ruiniert, Lebt es sich ganz ungeniert."
Unfortunately this stuff does happen, but I certainly wouldn't generalize and say it only happens with Indonesians, and that every Indonesian man turns into a jerk when moving back to Indonesia. This happens all over the world and not only with men, but women too can change when returning home after living abroad. But, it doesn't happen to everyone! It really depends on the character of the person and for many people they can actually turn into a better person from living in other countries and being exposed to other cultures and ways of life. To be honest, you can just tell who will come back with lazy inflated egos and who will come back with a deeper appreciation for the life they are living and use their experience abroad as a stepping stone to do more with their lives.
Markit is always using german, but the european commission has decided to adopt english as the common language. So, Markit, in future please follow the guidelines below. :topsy_turvy::topsy_turvy::topsy_turvy:
The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short}.
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes ofsilent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and theywould go.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey (MARKIT) vunted in ze forst place....
Last edited:
@ bjbjrowe:
"Where is the money to come from to support them? His family has none and her family is hanging on to theirs! And she wants to live in Ubud, no less! "
I fear that's a different discussion, probably not one we can help with here, more a 'family' reality check.
There was a useful thread on living costs here:
balipod.com
and another here: https://balipod.com/forum/threads/my-cost-of-living-in-bali-bali-compared-to-jakarta.8681/
Of course neither of them are specific to your daughter's situation.... but you should be able to piece together a rough budget from between those threads and that would give you the starting point for a calm collected discussion (I can envisage the objections to your point of view being tied up with the emotional "Oh you just don't want us to take your grandchildren away" )
"Where is the money to come from to support them? His family has none and her family is hanging on to theirs! And she wants to live in Ubud, no less! "
I fear that's a different discussion, probably not one we can help with here, more a 'family' reality check.
There was a useful thread on living costs here:
Cost of living for a family in Bali
Since this question comes up so often I decided (after reading @Jimbo suggestion) to copy and paste @matsaleh fantastic post on the cost of living in Bali for a typical family and stick it to the cost of living forum. Note that inflation in Indonesia is quite high and these costs are only...
balipod.com
Of course neither of them are specific to your daughter's situation.... but you should be able to piece together a rough budget from between those threads and that would give you the starting point for a calm collected discussion (I can envisage the objections to your point of view being tied up with the emotional "Oh you just don't want us to take your grandchildren away" )
Last edited by a moderator:
Shoggard, it would be prudent to piece together a budget if one had an certain amount of money to work with. But with them having NO foreseeable income what is the use of putting together a budget? You know, those fly by the seat of their pants, the universe will provide, type... He grew up in Bali, all his family is in Bali, they met in Bali, Bali is his home and love, so they just assume they can return to Bali and "survive". As for my grandchildren, you, of course, are right on! I believe my grandchildren would be better served being raised in America. But I do love Bali and believe Bali is a wonderful place. I have no doubts that my grandchildren will be accepted and loved well by all his family.
Worst case scenario is you have to prepare yourself to bail them out back to America if the husband turns out like what Markit posted since he didn't have a clear vision on future income
The general expectation of Balinese here : if the husband come home from the overseas and have a "bule" wife, they will come in and support the big family financially not the other way around
From the background information you have provided here, I am afraid Markit may be correct in his assessment of the outcome. If they met in Bali, and she took him to the USA, the extended family will assume she is bule kaya, and the husband will lose face if he (meaning his wife) cannot provide financial assistance to the rest of the family. This may create tensions in the family that can end up in separation, or even divorce as a worse case scenario. As I think it was ferdie who mentioned above, just try to be there for her if or when she needs you. I hope I am wrong.
Dear BJ this has now turned serious and I take on your plea in that sense. I have a 25 year old daughter and can understand exactly what you are saying. Thankfully she doesn't like small, brown men much.
Understand your enemy and his motivation:
1)Your "enemy" may hopefully be a long-time member of your family and must be treated with that in mind.
2) Set against a life of ease, booze, girlfriends and his family in Bali(worst case scenario) is a potential life of hard work with high pay and being a member of some undefined minority in the US. Oh, and having your daughter too.
3) You don't state BJ if you live here or the US but I'll assume you still are in LOFHOB (Land Of the Free Home Of the Brave).
If it was me and my daughter and I lived in LOFHOB and was looking for a way to keep her doing that in a married form I can only suggest the following: Help them to start some small business with her as the boss and him as director/worker/whatever-gets-him-off.
See Balinese just love to be "Businessmen" and doing that in LOFHOB would "big" him up enormously and it might even earn some money if done correctly because regardless of all the nasty things I say about Indonesian men - they are damned good workers if directed well.
I'm sure other contributors will have more to say - but please keep us abreast of the events.
Understand your enemy and his motivation:
1)Your "enemy" may hopefully be a long-time member of your family and must be treated with that in mind.
2) Set against a life of ease, booze, girlfriends and his family in Bali(worst case scenario) is a potential life of hard work with high pay and being a member of some undefined minority in the US. Oh, and having your daughter too.
3) You don't state BJ if you live here or the US but I'll assume you still are in LOFHOB (Land Of the Free Home Of the Brave).
If it was me and my daughter and I lived in LOFHOB and was looking for a way to keep her doing that in a married form I can only suggest the following: Help them to start some small business with her as the boss and him as director/worker/whatever-gets-him-off.
See Balinese just love to be "Businessmen" and doing that in LOFHOB would "big" him up enormously and it might even earn some money if done correctly because regardless of all the nasty things I say about Indonesian men - they are damned good workers if directed well.
I'm sure other contributors will have more to say - but please keep us abreast of the events.