How do you deal with unwanted 'guests'

R

rasi

Member
I am planning to buy a house and move to Bali with my (Indonesian) husband. One of my main concerns will be all the family and 'friends' who will assume they can come and stay in our house anytime and for as long as they want.

I am assuming once they realize we are not going to be living on Poppies 2 or anything like that they might not want to stay, but there will always be someone who will want to stay. I am fine with the majority of people who might want to visit but you know there is always the one friend or family who you really don't want to have to entertain 24/7.

Does anyone have this problem? What do you do or say? Especially when the in laws out-stay their welcome and want to smoke in the house etc...

I might sound selfish and don't get me wrong I am going to LOVE visitors, but I wont be on holiday, it is going to be my life over there and I might not have time to clean up after guests or be their tour guide etc...
 
rasi said:
I am planning to buy a house and move to Bali with my (Indonesian) husband. One of my main concerns will be all the family and 'friends' who will assume they can come and stay in our house anytime and for as long as they want.

I am assuming once they realize we are not going to be living on Poppies 2 or anything like that they might not want to stay, but there will always be someone who will want to stay. I am fine with the majority of people who might want to visit but you know there is always the one friend or family who you really don't want to have to entertain 24/7.

Does anyone have this problem? What do you do or say? Especially when the in laws out-stay their welcome and want to smoke in the house etc...

I might sound selfish and don't get me wrong I am going to LOVE visitors, but I wont be on holiday, it is going to be my life over there and I might not have time to clean up after guests or be their tour guide etc...
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Getting a bit ahead of yourself, aren't you?--Besides, as the saying goes, you never know how many friends you have till you rent a bungalow at the beach. Or in your case, paradise.
 
Yeh spose I am getting a bit ahead hehe :) but only because when I mention my moving plans I am met with "great!!!! Now I have free accommodation in Bali"
 
Unwanted guests

rasi said:
Yeh spose I am getting a bit ahead hehe :) but only because when I mention my moving plans I am met with "great!!!! Now I have free accommodation in Bali"
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To avoid the same problem when building our house on Gili Trawangan we decided not to build a guestroom or guesthouse. This was very wise as it showed. Many people came to visit and that was in itself really fun but the best part was that the guests had to stay at a nearby losmen. We didn't have to discuss the living arrangements with our guests they all new we didn't have room for them . I didn't have to get up and make breakfast in the morning and get irritated. We brought our guests to many places on Lombok and they all had wonderful holidays and they all still talk about it . As a matter of fact some even said that it was smart of us not to have a guestroom.
 
When you marry an Indonesian you also are marrying into an extended family. Even if you have a one bedroom house they will sleep on the floor :icon_biggrin: Having said that it is not all bad and it is unlikely they will just visit for the sake of it. In my own case they will come if they have a reason such as passing through to the airport and will stay just one or two days.

On the othe hand when my wife and I got re-married on our 28th anniversary recently we had over 50 in the house for a couple of days. It is not like Europe or the USA where a relitive as virtually to make an appointment to come over.

In the worst possible scenario where it is a distant relative sponging for a month or so get your Indonesian partner to have a quiet word. However if it was there mum or dad it would be a lot more difficult. Also remember that if you are travelling you have the same rights to go to there place and do the same.

For me I just love seeing my extended family but it really is part of their culture and if it is so difficult for you I suggest you re thinks about the house as it will be you who have to change not them.
 
What a fecking misery! I'm willing to bet that after the first year in Bali you'll be heart-rendingly glad of a visitor or 2 to break the monotony of gardening, swimming, gardening, cooking, going out to eat, gardening, visiting friends that are tired of visits too...

After 2 years you'll be calling them up and asking when are they coming back? and Oh can they bring 25 kilos of Vegemite?
 
:icon_lol: haha, i love it Markit!
Markit said:
What a fecking misery! I'm willing to bet that after the first year in Bali you'll be heart-rendingly glad of a visitor or 2 to break the monotony of gardening, swimming, gardening, cooking, going out to eat, gardening, visiting friends that are tired of visits too...

After 2 years you'll be calling them up and asking when are they coming back? and Oh can they bring 25 kilos of Vegemite?
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I had, had being the operative word, a friend who wanted to come and stay, never been to bali before etc etc. When I told her that my house was small, eg: one bedroom, and that I could find accom nearby for her, she said "Oh I get the message", and I have never heard from her since. Even blocked me on facebook.....I am still having a laugh over this one.
:icon_biggrin:
 
haha @ Scout! thats too funny, at least you tried... I would rather stay close by in my own bed rather than camp on a floor :s

I know you all must think I'm such a snob, but I just have a couple of friends that totally outstay there welcome here in Australia... I couldn't imagine having to have them STAY with me for over a week or more, bringing their kids etc... At least they got no reason to sleep over in Australia :)

But yes, I see the point I will probably be begging for them to stay once I leave Australia:) Very true point!!! Thanks for making me see the big picture, so glad I found this forum!!
 
Since we made public our move to Bali at the end of the year, it seems tourism for Bali will increase next year. Everyones making plans to "come to your place" for a holiday once we get settled. I'm just telling them that staying with us wont make for much of a holiday for them as we will be in working mode while they are in holiday mode and it seems to have worked so far.

Only difference with working mode is no beer before 10am but .....ssshhh.......... dont tell them that..!
 
Serve lots of barbecued PORK - Buy some large dogs - Walk around topless - Give them someone else's address - Ask them to contribute to the housekeeping - Serve cold soup like Gazpacho - Move all the shoes around at the front door - Hide the TV remote - Get a cellphone jammer & turn off the WIFI - Ask them to do the ironing.

Works for me (especially the Gazpacho and mobile phone jammer)
Haven't seen any of the wife's Javanese relatives since the Gazpacho episode. Cold soup literally sends shivers up up their spines.
And the kids hate the place 'cos there's no network or WIFI. Last time, in 2009, they stayed 2 hours and then checked into a hotel. Never got a chance to serve them pork!
 
Nail up a huge NO SMOKING/TIDAK MOROKO sign and pointedly place a Fire Extinguisher underneath it informing everyone if you see smoke you will automatically suspect there is a fire and act accordingly...
 
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