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Advice on finding a wife please

Discussion in 'Bali Expat Forum' started by Leo1973, Feb 6, 2018.

  1. Leo1973

    Leo1973 New Member

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    Hello. I guess I'm one of those pathetic middle aged guys who can't find a woman in the states. Bare with me, I'll try to keep this short. I'm 44, 5'10, average looking I guess, decent shape, and financially secure, but I was super shy as a young adult and started my dating life about 10 years after most other guys. Well, When most guys dated in their 20s and married in their 30s I only started dating in my late 20s (28ish) with a huge chunk of time taken out of my 30s during a long term relationship that didn't work out (34-39). My problem: If I had a kid already I wouldn't mind marrying a woman my age but I don't want any child of mine to be without a parent by the time he or she turns 30 or 35. Therefore I'm looking for a woman up to age 32, so that my child could have at least one parent at a suitable age. This age gap is too much for women in the USA and most in the western world. So my question. If I come to Bali, where would I go to meet down to earth women? I don't think I should be going to clubs, it's not really my style, I'm more a quiet type. I don't want to waste my time walking around sitting a bars or cafes, and I have no idea where to start. Can someone here please help? HOW and WHERE do I meet single women in Bali who are not party girls?
     
  2. harryopal

    harryopal Member

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    Good morning Leo. A fairly painless way of beginning would be to use Asiandating.com . You can sign up for free. Bear in mind that south east Asia is a region with millions of poor people who are desparate to change their lives so you will daily be bombarded with messages from young women 18 years and upward who will see you as the perfect catch. On the other hand there are mature women are genuinely seeking a partner. The important thing is to remember you are walking through a minefield so step lightly. But unless you are totally gullible, exchanging messages and then telephone calls may enable you to sort out some decent people.
     
  3. davita

    davita Well-Known Member

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    Hi Leo1973 and welcome to the Bali forum.
    Harry has a good idea to get your ball rolling and gives good advice on how you will be hunted.
    A more conservative way is.... when you arrive in Bali, put yourself out there with expats with Indonesian wives, those wives are experts at matchmaking...its like a Powerball game here..:D
    I'm too old to say where to go to meet your future intended but I agree with Harry that you need to be wary....it isn't unknown for some girls to look at you as an ATM and wrap themselves up with you 'till you cannot escape....especially if they suddenly get pregnant. This is not confined to Indonesia....it's all over Asia.
    Another thing is about religion...be observant what religious veracity your selected may have.....there are consequences.
    If your plan is to reside forever in Indonesia (Bali) that requires visas etc so you need to research those...we can help you there.
    If returning to the US with a bride you also need to think about her...can she cope?
    There's a saying here "You can take the girl out of the Kampung (village)...but you cannot take the Kampung out of the girl" Very true.
     
    sakumabali likes this.
  4. Leo1973

    Leo1973 New Member

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    I like this idea, it's an easy way to start and get my feet wet. But you're right, I'm very afraid of falling in love with someone who is just pretending to love me. I'm sure the odds of a 25-32 year old woman falling in love with a 44 year old guy are heavily against me. But what choice do I have other than to believe it's real? There's only so much doubt you can have before the doubt defeats/clouds/prevents the main intention of falling in love with someone. I think it's a like gambling. I have to put my money somewhere, and I can weed out obvious bad bets....but the most intelligent ones (the ones I go for) are the ones who won't be obvious about it. I don't think there's any way to fully guard against that.

    #4A moment ago
     
  5. Leo1973

    Leo1973 New Member

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    I've never played Powerball but this type of Powerball I could get into! Great idea, thank you!

    Regarding religion, I've thought of that....I'm not religious at all and I was thinking most girls there ARE so it MIGHT be a huge compatibility problem in actual daily life?

    Finally I'm not planning on staying in Bali but I wouldn't mind making yearly or bi-yearly trips back there for the local family if I'm lucky enough to be successful.
     
  6. davita

    davita Well-Known Member

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    Age difference is less of an issue to Asians than it is for us Bule. My Indonesian-born wife is 20 years younger than me and we were married 31 years ago when I was 49 and she almost 29.
    However, she was a Flight Attendant with an International airline so had traveled and was worldly-wise.
    We only returned from Vancouver, where we lived 25 years, to live in Bali 5 -6 years ago.... so she could re-ingrate;), sorry I meant re-integrate, herself with family and friends from her youth.
     
  7. harryopal

    harryopal Member

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    Leo, you seem to have a very negative view about your personal charm.
    A salesman doesn't start off talking about the problems of the car he wants to sell. Focus on your pluses.
    I don't think anywhere in the world now would see a 20 year age difference as significant. You remind me of Danny, a Canadian I met many many years ago who was then studying law in Melbourne. Socially he was always hoping to find a suitable companion but if a woman responded to him too easily he didn't trust them and the ones that were aloof... well they were aloof and so he remained without a female companion during the years he studied in Aus. Love is not just a gamble. As with life its also an adventure. Keep a sense of humour and just give it a go.
    The point already made about religion is a serious consideration. Not so much perhaps at the personal level but with US immigration now encouraged to be tough on Muslim applicants then maybe its time to start making enquiries at your end as to how much of an impediment a different faith might be to get a visa for a woman you want to continue with. There are still many Christians scattered throughout the archipelago.
     
  8. Leo1973

    Leo1973 New Member

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    Davita, you lucky dog. Looks like you hit the jackpot. Good for you. Gives me hope, thank you.
     
  9. Leo1973

    Leo1973 New Member

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    Kind words, Harry, thank you. You're right about the salesman analogy and I definitely identify with Danny the Canadian...unfortunately. You'd think at 44 I'd have it all figured out, or at least a clue about love but whoever said "with age comes wisdom"...well I'm starting to question their credibility! "Love is an adventure"....very true...but a dangerous one. I heart was broken at 39 and though I dated in the meantime it took me a few years to be truly open to love again. But as they say, you have to get back out there again. No guts no glory. So here I am.
     
  10. Teddybear

    Teddybear Member

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    Become spiritual and attend a religious ceremony of your choice, lots of nice welcoming ladies , that's my best guess and any lady loves a man who doesn't drink , smoke and gives them complete power over your finances , they normally will give you a allowance for petrol , after all they do shop and shop and shop. All the best T.
     
  11. Mark

    Mark Active Member

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    Leo1973, I have a question for you - have you ever been to Bali or anywhere in Indonesia (or Asia for that matter)? Or is this just an armchair exercise in wishful thinking of a life that could be with someone from a place you've never been to? Because if it's the latter, then my advice is to forget trying to find a Balinese or Indonesian wife.
     
  12. davita

    davita Well-Known Member

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    For the record I do not agree with Mark..... although I usually do.
    My suggestion is...... become a Muslim and you can get up to three Indonesian wives.
    Many Arabs come to Puncak, near Jakarta. They get married on Friday and, after the weekend honeymoon, get divorced on Monday..... then go back to their other wives in Saudi.
     
  13. harryopal

    harryopal Member

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    My wife tells me that many of these "marriages" are with prostitutes that means that technically they are married and not prostituting. It also means they are looked after for several days and better than being on the street.
     
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