Well, this is probably back tracking a little. But the issues of arrange marriages and inheritance are important. Sorry if this is going to cause more angst. Well, I hope not. As what I am about to say it only my observation, nothing more. Perhaps it can be of any use.
Now to arranged marriages
To my knowledge, where I came from (which is Ubud, same as Om Roy) I don’t know of anyone or heard of anyone who has been forced into marriages. It is a shock to me and is indeed very sad, that this is still happening to a 14 years old girl!
What I do know – and I guess this is not only true in Bali but also here in OZ, is that the elderly people always try to be “matchmakers”.
And if you are like me, being 26 and still single, you will attract more of this than you care to receive. This is the only thing that I dread going home to Bali. People always ask questions about when I will be married – heck, how can I, I haven’t even found Mr. Right as yet, or they make suggestions and offered their nephews for considerations. I don’t take offence of these, as they probably mean well and I take it as compliment that they consider me as interesting enough to want me to be part of their family.
But no forcing was visible ………just quick notes on conversations and passing suggestions!!! Pheww………hh…… :shock: :roll:
Perhaps arrange marriage has its place??????? I will certainly start begging my family to do so – if nearing 30, I still haven’t found my Mr. Right……………..ha……….ha…..
Well, I am glad to have my forum sister and fellow Balinese Angels Ni Luh as my forum “Matchmaker”……………..lol. :lol: I am not implying that you are elderly Ni Luh...... maaf.
Now to family inheritance
Neither have I heard of widows being denied their homes and property and valuables once their husbands passed away.
I guess, the system is very different to here in the West – where parents (husband) leave a will which will determine who got what when he died. Not so in Bali – perhaps now it is increasingly become common – I think it’s good to prevent family feud.
I will attempt to describe what I know of how the family succession goes in Bali (at least in my village – or maybe in my family).
In Bali, sons don’t generally move out of their parents’ compound even after marriage – except if he can afford to or he is not the only son in the family (as is the case with my dad). So in a Balinese compound, there can be many families living together in separate homes/buildings. So when the mother becomes a widow due to her husband passing away; one of the sons – either the oldest or youngest depending on the custom in the village (or if there is only one then obviously him) will take full responsibility of the main household.
That means looking after the mother for the rest of her live, being the head of family and takes care of the family temple etc, etc. So what is the role of the rest of the sons? Well, they are considered as “Ngempian” in that compound – they have limited responsibility to the looking after of the main household, except of their own buildings and also are considered as half member of the Banjar (by this I mean – there are different Adat law which rule this different aspects e.g. those who are ngempians don’t have to pay as much on Banjar’s contribution, etc.
So obviously any other properties left behind (e.g. sawah) will disproportionately be given to one taking the full responsibility as compensation for taking this duty. However, this does not necessarily mean that the other children will not get anything. For example, if the family decides to sell the sawah – then everybody will have to agree to do this and each will receive a portion of the sale (including the women) – not necessarily equal portions. I guess it depends on your take of the responsibility that has been left behind. Many family disputes have resulted from lack of clear mandate prior to the father passing away. For example, perhaps some members of the family will only care to take the inheritance in terms of properties etc, but not wanting a bar of the responsibility that comes with it. I guess, the example here would be, putting your mother in an age care home and let “the system” care for her, but still take the inheritance that is left behind after your father passed away.
So clear mandate from the father and clear succession is necessary to avoid disputes. I guess even with a will dispute can still occur.
Now to Om Roy
Hey! Ask Ni Luh or Kadek. Why do they call me Om Roy? They call me Om Roy out of their respect for my knowledge and adoption of the Balinese culture. Both my sisters in law call me Om Roy. Does that make my knees wobble a litttle bit? You bet it does. I have a reputation to live up to, both within my banjar, and the greater community of Ubud.
Tommy writes:
Why shouldn't Om Roy have become an expert on Balinese culture? You said it yourself.. almost a decade.. balinese wife and big family, being hindu, having vast knowledge of balinese & indonesian history etc etc. That should most certainly make a person qualify as a baliense expert? .. or more simply put.. as a balinese.
I agree with Tommy. And it is true that I do respect Om Roy (or any other people be they are “bule” or “other Indonesian”) that he has so willingly and proudly adopted Balinese culture. Not only that, through his various postings, Om Roy seems to practice it with great devotion and pride that would make any Balinese who dare to abandon their culture shameful.
So thank you for your passion for our Balinese culture Om Roy. I am very proud and wish that there are many more like you.
Best Regards
Kadek
