Phew...this kind of string hardly ever shows up on the "travel" section of this forum. I for one, hardly ever check this section of Bert's forum, lest I get caught up in arguments over the pros and cons of raspberry cordials as a remedy for Bali belly, or almost as bad, color coded bags!
Just kidding!
Regarding the marriage issue, all I can speak of is my own experience. In my village, which is Bunutan-Kedewatan, north of Ubud, I was the first "bule" or foreigner to ever court, and eventually marry a Balinese woman from that village. And glory be, she was not "suda hamil" (not pregnant) when I married her!
My wife's family was wonderful, right from the start. They were most kind, most accepting, and mostly just wanted to know simple answers to simple questions like, "where do you plan to live?" "Do you want children?" Simple questions that went straight to the heart of their idea of continuing ancestral traditions despite my race.
My father and mother in law trusted their daughter to make her own decision, and to this day, my bond with them is only second to my bond with my wife. I love Eri’s mom and dad and all their family. They all accepted me, including the grandfather, with whom I have a very special relationship.
I know a whole lot of Balinese in one way or another...be it through family, friends, or business contacts. I know no Balinese that were ever forced into a marriage...and I highly doubt I ever will. It just doesn't happen in Ubud, as for most families, there is a trust among their children that they will make the best choices for themselves. That's the Bali I know!
The Balinese in my village are way beyond the idea of pre-arranged marriages, that is for certain. In my village, Balinese women are treated with the same respect and honor as any Balinese man. My wife Eri is often consulted by our village head for her ideas on this or that. I am so proud of her when this happens, making coffee, offering some sweets, and then sitting down to business. As with many Balinese women, she is more than capable of "holding her own" yet careful to not put the man in an embarrassing situation. She is so good at this, I just sit back in awe and watch her at work.
As the head of our village leaves our house, he is convinced that the ideas, thoughts, or whatever are his own. My wife Eri may cast me a quick glance that tells all, and I just smile, knowing that my wife has done her duty, fulfilled her obligations to the banjar and the Gods in a way I can never experience for myself. At those moments, I am flushed with extreme pride and admiration of Eri, a woman who is indeed "wanita di Bali."
As I see things, I see the “wanita di Bali” as the real force behind what goes on here, and that is certainly true in my humble little village. At the few banjar meetings I attend, I have to laugh, (very quietly), as I already know from my wife what so and so is going to say. The “wanita di banjar” have already discussed it! Though absent in body, and absent in the votes, their presence seems to overpower the democratic process which seems (but does not), exclude women from active participation.
Well, that’s the way life is in my village anyway. No “pre-arranged” marriages, and the Gods forbid anyone who has plans to take away the land, kijang, television, or whatever assets a widow has! In my village, there would be a “holy hell” to pay for such an atrocity!
