a cultural thing?
Hi all
Much has been said about love and romance and how it could work here in bali with a balinese partner or not.
I want to share my experience which- hopefully - does not match to many of the expat s comments here
;
Balinese generally marry very young( actually when the girl is pregnant so the family of the boy has the prove that she is able to have children).
If you meet anyone over 25, the chance that he or she is married is quite big.
Nevertheless it is also very common that specially the men- but also the women u have pacars( lovers, affairs)- infact it is almost certain that everybali man at least has one.
So if you want to be sure that your relationship is a serios one, you must have been( no way avoiding it!) Introduced to your partners family( father , mother and descendants- without that- you can be sure that there is something hidden.
Any stories that the future partner might tell you( on the way to divorce, his wife or husband is only like a friend and they don't live together anymore etc) needs to be checked by you.
Sorry to say but balinese men are normally dangerousely unfaithful.
Let me share some experience with you;
My best friend, a young swiss girl, was desperately in love with a balinese man who is married and has two children.
He lived together with her for 2! Years, sharing house and bed every night and he promised her that divorce is on the way and takes long in bali.
She even met his parents.they tried to have a baby.
As after two years there have been no dicorce progresses she did some research and find out;
That his wife did know about her and accepted it, but that dicorce was never a raised issue at his home.
He informed her after her researches that he never had the intnention to leave his wife and kids.
Another girl from java I met during a dinner with her balinese boyfirend. Asking her if they plan to marry she smiled and informed me that he is already married to a balinese woman having a 1 year old baby at home and apart from her, he is the boyfriend of an australian expat he only keeps for money reasons.
I met putu, a beautiful balinese woman married to a rich balinese man and having a son together. She is having a balinese driver as boyfirend additionally and is officialy together with an older german businessman here in bali. He just bought her a car. The family is happy about..
My friend anne is married to a balinese man and was expecting her second baby with him while she found out that he had a young balinese girl as lover and additionally betrayed her with a western woman who is staying in bali.
Myself I was in love with a balinese man and he wanted to marry me and have a baby together.
As I did not agree to that so fast, we split and I found out afterwards that he was married and had a son and is currently trying to convince his new australian girlfirend to settle with him in melbourne after marriage.
This is of course not only a balinese thing, it happens everywhere in the world- but it seems to be somehow more common here- as love would just not mean the same as in our culture and is more of a
Option than a promise.
If you want to find a good and relaible love with balinese people, I think it starts by finding somebody more or less true and ready.
Just be careful as also Aids is not ignoring bali because of its gods.
And please also keep in mind that a ship who has already left the harbour( marriage) is not worth to get o
n , you might be drowning by trying it.
I only know one balinese man who really and succesfully divorced for an expat woman but he also had not yet any kids.
I don't know any balinese woman who did the same.
Good luck to all of you, still believe in love and reach for it- but with an open heart and open mind and with looking through the pink clouds.
Leandra
