Bali marriage...
- Thread starter gilbert de jong
- Start date
Hello Mimpimanis:
Kawin lari, if it is the same as kawin lariin in Lombok is one of the three ways for an accepted marriage in the old days.
1) Marriage by consent. All parties agree = boy and girl, both set of parents.
2) Marriage by arrangement. This was the usual mode in the old days. It was preferred to marry within the near or wider family and within the village.
3) Only boy and girl agree but not all or some relatives. This was and is still true especially in the higher cast. There are very specific rules to be met, e.g. if the couple was found before three days had passed since running away = KAWIN LARI and hiding, they faced the possibility of death.
Joerg
Kawin lari, if it is the same as kawin lariin in Lombok is one of the three ways for an accepted marriage in the old days.
1) Marriage by consent. All parties agree = boy and girl, both set of parents.
2) Marriage by arrangement. This was the usual mode in the old days. It was preferred to marry within the near or wider family and within the village.
3) Only boy and girl agree but not all or some relatives. This was and is still true especially in the higher cast. There are very specific rules to be met, e.g. if the couple was found before three days had passed since running away = KAWIN LARI and hiding, they faced the possibility of death.
Joerg
Help me out a little there girls: arranged marriages are a lot like female circumcision in that the main movers and drivers of both customs are, in fact, women.
Although pretty much everyone is in agreement that both practises are bad and women are the main sufferers.
Why do they/you do it then?
Although pretty much everyone is in agreement that both practises are bad and women are the main sufferers.
Why do they/you do it then?
Markit, I am no expert in Bali customs, but i would say its traditions, people get caught up in "beleif systems" based on "beleif systems" based on "faulty beleif systems" the entire world is caught up in this.
It takes courage to break out of any custom or mold in any culture. People worry about others talking, family honour, etc, you name it !
I find it interesting how the female daughter once married goes and lives with her husbands parents.
Thats a big reason for divorce in western culture and yet works very well in Bali, go figure ?!
Different levels of understanding. Who is to say what is right or wrong, what works or doesnt.
As long as we are happy, of course the sad part is the entrapment and an unhappy life, all because of customs.
enjoy your day.
It takes courage to break out of any custom or mold in any culture. People worry about others talking, family honour, etc, you name it !
I find it interesting how the female daughter once married goes and lives with her husbands parents.
Thats a big reason for divorce in western culture and yet works very well in Bali, go figure ?!
Different levels of understanding. Who is to say what is right or wrong, what works or doesnt.
As long as we are happy, of course the sad part is the entrapment and an unhappy life, all because of customs.
enjoy your day.
Chilli, you put the entire situation for Made in a very clear and accurate manner. Very sad for the girl though. She obviously does not have any sense of what she really wants to do; or she would have stood up to her family and simply said NO NO NO to marrying the guy. From living with my Balinese family I think I understand why the majority of marriages work out....not to say their are never any problems which can crop up when living with a group of people. Having said that I believe having separate Bedrooms, patio's, bathrooms, seems as if one is living not with the other family members rather as neighbors. Of course, if the family doesn't have enough land around their compound this can create suffocation problems. :lol: :lol: I have a sister-in-law who does not like living with her husbands family due to a crazy sister=in=law plus the parents are.....however, she merely awaits the day to build on land they own on a rice field in another city. As she told me once, "had I known of the questionable family members of my husband I would have thought twice before marrying him". My sister-in-law has a college education and came from a family who was better off then the one she was marrying into. Loving someone is essential when you marry, yet when you add family dynamics into the mix and crazy ones at that, that so called burning love can begin to flicker in the wind and eventually get snuffed out if one is not careful. I have been to her compound many times and I could not in a million years live in those conditions. As we all know so well, whether one is Balinese, Asian, Western, or whatever, money is not the necessary ingredient for a successful marriage, yet it sure does help to alliviate alot of stress in everyday life. As she once said, "had I known it would be so difficult marrying into his family, and although I loved him more than life itself, perhaps I would not have made that choice.... Ahhhh life it sure has it's UPS and DOWNS.
I believe so many marriages work in Bali although there can be a great difference in ages is because the Balinese people believe so strongly in reincarnation (as I do) that the age one is in this life is simply a continuation of living from one life to the next. Therefore, if one is a more advanced soul although that person currently might be 40 they might feel as if they are 1000. My analogy might sound confusing to some and totally understandable to others. 8) 8)
I believe so many marriages work in Bali although there can be a great difference in ages is because the Balinese people believe so strongly in reincarnation (as I do) that the age one is in this life is simply a continuation of living from one life to the next. Therefore, if one is a more advanced soul although that person currently might be 40 they might feel as if they are 1000. My analogy might sound confusing to some and totally understandable to others. 8) 8)
Wayan!!! Not Made, Made is my husband :lol: however if I missed another girl you are referring to sorry!
Sorrry Mimpi, I meant Wayan the entire story is so sad and disconcerting. Hope she gets it all worked out in the future. :lol: :lol:
I meant Wayan the entire story is so sad and disconcerting. Hope she gets it all worked out in the future. :lol: :lol:i came from hindu family, my husband is a devout catholic, we had balinese wedding that didn't require my husband to convert to hindu. it was a pretty simple ceremony without tooth filing, name changing etc. the whole ceremony was basically just informing the gods that we were entering into marriage.
but yea legally we registered overseas (as we don't live in indonesia). still have to figure out on how to inform indonesian authorities on my married status and get my husband recognized as my legal spouse the next time we visit indonesia. is there a special visa for spouses of indonesians or my husband will just get the usual visa-on-arrival? what about the children?
but yea legally we registered overseas (as we don't live in indonesia). still have to figure out on how to inform indonesian authorities on my married status and get my husband recognized as my legal spouse the next time we visit indonesia. is there a special visa for spouses of indonesians or my husband will just get the usual visa-on-arrival? what about the children?
oh ok. i thought my question is not big enough to warrant a whole new thread
Your husband just gets a VOA if going just for holiday. Longer visits other visas are available but no advantage because you are Indonesian. and Welcome.
Desdemona I don´t understand one thing, why you did not register your marriage in the Indonesian Embassy of the country you live right now????
I am european woman married to a Indonesian, I don´t now what this is working the other way around, but we had both balinese and civil ceremony, so when I got all the papers of my wedding I send them to the Spanish embassy in Jakarta and they register my wedding in Spain as well so I am legally married in both countries, even I have kartu keluarga from Spain.
That is part of the work of a foreigner Embassy in one country!!!!
There is not special Visa for spouses of indonesian for coming just on holiday but there is a special one if you want to live in Indonesia (Kitas ikut keluarga, suami or istri).
The children again, I am not sure how is the other way around (the woman been indonesian and the man been foreigner) but in our case, our child has two nacionalities, two passports until 18 years old she will have to choose, so I guess to do that as well you have to go to the Indonesian Embassy of your country of residence and bring all the birth certificate, marriage certificate and all the documentations they will ask you and make their indonesian passport, I guess been the mother indonesian they could have both passports as well.
The good thing for your children is that in case you want to stay here longer than the tourist visa with them, they will not need to apply for the Visa because they will be indonesian en Indonesia and beside they will not pay the 25$ when you arrive at the airport because they are as well indonesian.
For my child I use the spanish passport when I go to Spain so no need to apply for visa and I use the Indonesian passport when I come back from Spain because not need the visa for indonesian, jut right now when we are in Spain she is spanish and when we are in indonesian she is indonesian!!!!!!!
Remember that your Indonesian Embassy is your really support and who has to make clear all this things, if you still Indonesian you have to go there to ask them and they will inform you about everything.
You don´t need to come to Indonesia or visit Indonesia to register your marriage!!!!!!!!!! I think is more simple just go to the Indonesian Embassy on the country you live.
Have a good day
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My cousin is a Christian and his wife is Buddhist and they got married without problem in Bali and got endorsed by a priest. In Surabaya or Jakarta, such thing would be nearly impossible :icon_wink: