indonesian relationships?

mimpimanis

mimpimanis

Active Member
Nov 4, 2003
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36
Kuta, Lombok
www.mimpimanis.com
I thought I would post about a mixed relationship that went very wrong. This is a couple I knew. Him much more than her.
He is Indonesian. She westerner. At first they lived in Lombok but when she had a baby they moved to her country. (Iam trying to keep this as general as possible, I dont really want to identify them) In the time they were together in Lombok I never saw them looking happy, they were always fighting. And he complained about her lack of "adjustment". So a few years in Europe & the husband returned alone for a holiday He wanted to come back to Indonesia to live but his wife did not want to for another few years. he was talking of leaving her, taking the child back to Indonesia & marrying again.

The next thing we knew he had gone back to Europe & had murdered his wife! Now I doubt he will ever be allowed his child again. The child has lost both parents.

This is a sad story of a mixed relationship gone very wrong.
 
R

Ratih

Member
Nov 3, 2004
34
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6
U.S.A
I don't know what happen to my previous comment on this topic. I quess, it didn't post. Anyway, so far we have been talking about mixed couples that have met in person and have spent some time together in real life. I live in the U.S. In the last few years, I have noticed the growing number of mixed couples ( Indonesian women and American men ) who primarily knew one another through
online chat or some kind of online match making. Generally, the men would come to visit her in Indonesia, spent some time knowing her and her family, and decided to marry her. She would come to the State either with fiance or spousal visa.

Most women whom I know that met their spouse through online chat or online matchmaking had never been away from Indonesia before. It was their first time living away from home, practically. People probably would tend to think that these couples were heading toward disater. Interestingly though, most of those couples whom I knew, made their relationship works out just fine. The wives would soon work, go to college or get advanced degree, and build family at the same time. They would adjust just fine with live here and with their husband. It is probably true that when man and woman decide to make a commitment, and stick to it, then the relationship will work out.

Ratih
 
I

Irislahay

Member
Apr 10, 2004
257
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16
France, Bali now
Ratih... Ratih... Ratih...

Finally I found you here!!! Long time hugh! Well, the point of every relationships (not only mixed couples) are LOVE, UNDERSTANDING, and BELIEVE in your couple... Keep that, and I am very sure, even you'll get married with an extra terestre, you'll be happy...
 
T

Tracey

Member
Mar 26, 2004
494
0
16
Melbourne, Australia
I have been with my husband fore 5 yrs & married for 2.5...

He moved To Australia & I think if we did not have a lrge group of Balinese/Indo friends male & female it would have been exceptionally hard for him.
He has Uncles/Aunts from his village in Tuban that have married Westerners years ago & so are very used to Western ways & at our Balinese Wedding my Father in law kept bring me beers even though I was still in traditional dress etc & alot of his family & friends were still there...
He kept saying, we accept you Tracey, you are western & we know you like to drink.
My Mother in law has even made a special tonic for me on occasions of having bad hangovers, my father in law loves it when we are back in Bali as there's constantly Bintang in the fridge in Gede's room... He knocks & asks if he can drink with us & he loves it, he is like a cheeky little boy!
Gede actually said last night that if it weren't for his Balinese friends he would go mental here in OZ, as he needs that contact with them about their culture, speaking their own language telling jokes from back home etc... He also said that once we are living permanently in Bali he would want me to have4 contact with tourists so I can speak my language & share my culture etc with, coz he knows it is hard...
He has some really strange ways of doing things/beliefs & ideas that we Aussies just don't get, but my parents whom live in a unit begind our house accept & encourage & often ask about Ceremonies etc with him..,. They don't get it as they are not brought up that way & he will sometimes agree yep that idea/belief is totally silly & ridiculous, but that's how we are brought up to do it, believe it etc....

My Mum told him once about her growing up & going to a Catholic school where the nuns hit them & threatened her (she was naughty) that if she couldn't fit a camel through the eye of a needle she'd never go to heaven (or some such beliefe they had instilled in them) My Mum spent years trying to work it out, until she realised that it was crap, so she said to Gede, I don't agree with this or that belief, but I understand that your Culture does & so I accept it...

Plus if they annoy us, we threaten them that he wont cook anything for them for a month!!!

It is hard, oyr arguments & there have been DOOZIES, coz I enjoy getting it all off my chest, have all been about misunderstanding one another! But hey making up is sensational!!! :twisted:
 
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