Advertising cons in Bali.
Rather than do some desperate searching around for all of the scattered examples so few in number, I decided to use just one issue of the Bali Advertiser; a Bali newspaper, printed in English, which is distributed freely, as the adverts pay for the costs.
It is of course impossible to know just from the newspaper, whether some of the advertised businesses are Balinese or Australian owned, or indeed anyone else, so the obvious inference here is that these cons are being perpetuated by your own countrymen, on you and everyone else.
Clearly, there are no loyalties to nationality, creed or gender, all recipients being psychologically manipulated into believing that they are receiving a good deal. Yes, your own countrymen are cheating you, or at least, trying to.
To begin though, one from a local supermarket, where upon I picked up a can of cherries, proudly displaying the logo, “Heavy, thick syrup”, as though this was the latest thing in “wonderfulness”. Yes, they can say it, but you do not have to believe it. Syrup, in any guise, is bad for you. It is sugar.
Anyway, here they are. Bali Advertisers con merchants:
1 – “If you do not have good results after 10 times, we give 100% of your money back.” – after 10 times, I’d be broke, and need all my money back, but I bet the smallest of gains would be significant in their eyes, and render you ineligible!!!
(Bali Pure Detox Centre)
2 – “Free Jamu, cheap – only 50,000rp.” – not free then!
(Dimas Traditional Body Massage)
3 – “We can provide you with better value services.” – really? How do they know that, if they do not know what you are already receiving?
( Sarana Sehat )
4 – “Offering Union of the left and right brain.” – but that doesn’t mean they can do it, does it?
( RAA Spiritual Health Services by Ann F. Sinclair)
5 – “Our professional therapist will come wherever you are...”
Bet they won’t if I am in a back street in Bejing. They also offer 10% discount, which means they are charging 10% too much in the first place, and anyway, you have to go twice to get that, so in fact you have to pay 80% more to get it.
( Nathalie Revival’s Treatment )
6 – “We will help you to fulfill your needs” – not, “We can cure you”.
( Bali Chiropractic Center ) – “Center” is how the Americans spell “Centre” – clue to ownership here, or perhaps they cannot spell. I wonder what else this “Professional Chiropractor” is so unprofessional about?
7 – “The best in beauty care” – isn’t that through diet?
“Professionally trained staff” – the so called professional trained them, but the staff are not professional, in that, they have not achieved an accredited qualification.
“Asian hospitality” – Indonesian/Balinese are not Asian, which is why it was originally called IndoAsia, ie. out of Asia, from which we get the word Indonesia as a corruption, after all, most things in Indonesia are corrupt or have been corrupted. Why should the name of the country be any different? – perhaps they are not hospitable either?
“of the highest international standard” – their standards may be high, but can they deliver them?
“Gift certificates available” – oh yes, you can give one to a friend so that they can get 20% off something that is worth 20% less than what is being charged!!!
( Panache Hair and Body Works )
8 – “No waiting list – just walk in.” – yep, no customers.
( Bali Dental Clinic 911 )
9 – “Guaranteed in extreme situations”, but they haven’t said what is guaranteed, or why the guarantee does NOT exist in non-extreme situations.
( Expacare )
10 – “50% discount for initial consult and examination”, which means you have to pay the other 50% for not having anything actually done. This is why they are able to say, “Call our friendly staff”. You bet they’re friendly. You’ll have to pay 100% of the costs if you want anything done.
( Chiropractic di Indonesia )
11 – “Nothing less than royal treatment” – if it is royal treatment, how come they are using L’Oreal products?
“Your hair is your crowning glory” - gee, thanks, I don’t need you then.
( Jiwon Hair Salon )
12 – “Yogurt wash to eliminate toxins” – actually, you are supposed to eat the stuff, which will do you far more good. Anyway, why are you putting toxins in your body? Stop. It’s free, and yoghurt, as it should be spelt, is nice to eat.
( Mandurah and Sedona Spa )
13 – “30% OFF – Free pickup service” – how can you get 30% off nothing?
( Angels Dream Spa )
14 – “Insurance doesn’t seem important until you need it” – really? By not paying the premiums all these years and investing the money, I can still pay all the costs and have some left over. Works for most things.
( Bali Medical Insurance )
15 – “The actual procedure is quite painless because of the small size of the needle and the topical anaesthetic” – a topical anesthetic is a painkiller, so if it is not used to kill pain, because apparently it is painless, what is it used for?
( Anti-Aging Beauty Clinics )
16 – “The best way to create the future is to predict it” – well, I’ve studied the master craftsman of that one, and he never predicted anything, did you GOD?
( Erna Twechuizen )
17 – “Sign up for US.100 – Limited spaces” – off course there are limited spaces – no site has an unlimited space, eh?
18 – “Virgin Coconut Oil” – hmmn? – a coconut is a seed, so it doesn’t have sex does it? Another definition used the word “virgin” to mean uncorrupted, but they had to corrupt the seed in order to extract the oil.
Not yet cultivated, explored or exploited? Nope, these have all been done too.
“Made from traditional palms” means that people having been using these palms for a long time, NOT that these palms are indigenous to Indonesia.
“Coconut oil is known as the “energy fat”” – ah, so just how much of this oil is fat then?
“Slightly lower in calories than most other fats”, but fat is very high in calories, so slightly lower, at best, means high in calories.
“Processed in the liver and converted directly into energy” – actually, this is what happens with all fats.
“16,000rp” – yes, but you are not telling us for how many micromillilitres our 16,000rp will buy.
No “VITCO”, you belong to the same club as all the ones above, which were all taken from part of the Health Section of the newspaper, less alone the majority of the remainder of the newspaper.
And lastly, I have to finish with this one from the Restaurant Section, that had me rolling about with laughter, with tears pouring down my cheeks and severe abdominal pains until virtually complete exhaustion overcame me.
The Luscious Bali, of Sunset Boulevard are proudly advertising their “Chocolate and Wine” every Friday, for if you spend a “MINIMUM” , a minimum no less, OF 700,000rp on your food and beverage bill, you get a complimentary bottle of their house wine and box of chocolate.
Firstly, you do not buy the bill. Secondly, spending 699,999rp, does NOT earn you their compliments, and thirdly, their cheap stuff bottle of house wine and a single chocolate, will probably amount to less than 1% of what they will require you to spend.
Yes, Luscious Bali, I am going to award you the Balibounder “Certificate of Hornswogglement”; an old English term to mean that you are all a bunch of swindlers. And then I felt so sorry for all those tourists taken in by this dupe.
Yes, one and all, the truth as always will without, and the evidence blatantly displayed informs us all, that businesses in Bali are trying everything they can to give you, the tourist, the poorest deal they can.
Rather than do some desperate searching around for all of the scattered examples so few in number, I decided to use just one issue of the Bali Advertiser; a Bali newspaper, printed in English, which is distributed freely, as the adverts pay for the costs.
It is of course impossible to know just from the newspaper, whether some of the advertised businesses are Balinese or Australian owned, or indeed anyone else, so the obvious inference here is that these cons are being perpetuated by your own countrymen, on you and everyone else.
Clearly, there are no loyalties to nationality, creed or gender, all recipients being psychologically manipulated into believing that they are receiving a good deal. Yes, your own countrymen are cheating you, or at least, trying to.
To begin though, one from a local supermarket, where upon I picked up a can of cherries, proudly displaying the logo, “Heavy, thick syrup”, as though this was the latest thing in “wonderfulness”. Yes, they can say it, but you do not have to believe it. Syrup, in any guise, is bad for you. It is sugar.
Anyway, here they are. Bali Advertisers con merchants:
1 – “If you do not have good results after 10 times, we give 100% of your money back.” – after 10 times, I’d be broke, and need all my money back, but I bet the smallest of gains would be significant in their eyes, and render you ineligible!!!
(Bali Pure Detox Centre)
2 – “Free Jamu, cheap – only 50,000rp.” – not free then!
(Dimas Traditional Body Massage)
3 – “We can provide you with better value services.” – really? How do they know that, if they do not know what you are already receiving?
( Sarana Sehat )
4 – “Offering Union of the left and right brain.” – but that doesn’t mean they can do it, does it?
( RAA Spiritual Health Services by Ann F. Sinclair)
5 – “Our professional therapist will come wherever you are...”
Bet they won’t if I am in a back street in Bejing. They also offer 10% discount, which means they are charging 10% too much in the first place, and anyway, you have to go twice to get that, so in fact you have to pay 80% more to get it.
( Nathalie Revival’s Treatment )
6 – “We will help you to fulfill your needs” – not, “We can cure you”.
( Bali Chiropractic Center ) – “Center” is how the Americans spell “Centre” – clue to ownership here, or perhaps they cannot spell. I wonder what else this “Professional Chiropractor” is so unprofessional about?
7 – “The best in beauty care” – isn’t that through diet?
“Professionally trained staff” – the so called professional trained them, but the staff are not professional, in that, they have not achieved an accredited qualification.
“Asian hospitality” – Indonesian/Balinese are not Asian, which is why it was originally called IndoAsia, ie. out of Asia, from which we get the word Indonesia as a corruption, after all, most things in Indonesia are corrupt or have been corrupted. Why should the name of the country be any different? – perhaps they are not hospitable either?
“of the highest international standard” – their standards may be high, but can they deliver them?
“Gift certificates available” – oh yes, you can give one to a friend so that they can get 20% off something that is worth 20% less than what is being charged!!!
( Panache Hair and Body Works )
8 – “No waiting list – just walk in.” – yep, no customers.
( Bali Dental Clinic 911 )
9 – “Guaranteed in extreme situations”, but they haven’t said what is guaranteed, or why the guarantee does NOT exist in non-extreme situations.
( Expacare )
10 – “50% discount for initial consult and examination”, which means you have to pay the other 50% for not having anything actually done. This is why they are able to say, “Call our friendly staff”. You bet they’re friendly. You’ll have to pay 100% of the costs if you want anything done.
( Chiropractic di Indonesia )
11 – “Nothing less than royal treatment” – if it is royal treatment, how come they are using L’Oreal products?
“Your hair is your crowning glory” - gee, thanks, I don’t need you then.
( Jiwon Hair Salon )
12 – “Yogurt wash to eliminate toxins” – actually, you are supposed to eat the stuff, which will do you far more good. Anyway, why are you putting toxins in your body? Stop. It’s free, and yoghurt, as it should be spelt, is nice to eat.
( Mandurah and Sedona Spa )
13 – “30% OFF – Free pickup service” – how can you get 30% off nothing?
( Angels Dream Spa )
14 – “Insurance doesn’t seem important until you need it” – really? By not paying the premiums all these years and investing the money, I can still pay all the costs and have some left over. Works for most things.
( Bali Medical Insurance )
15 – “The actual procedure is quite painless because of the small size of the needle and the topical anaesthetic” – a topical anesthetic is a painkiller, so if it is not used to kill pain, because apparently it is painless, what is it used for?
( Anti-Aging Beauty Clinics )
16 – “The best way to create the future is to predict it” – well, I’ve studied the master craftsman of that one, and he never predicted anything, did you GOD?
( Erna Twechuizen )
17 – “Sign up for US.100 – Limited spaces” – off course there are limited spaces – no site has an unlimited space, eh?
18 – “Virgin Coconut Oil” – hmmn? – a coconut is a seed, so it doesn’t have sex does it? Another definition used the word “virgin” to mean uncorrupted, but they had to corrupt the seed in order to extract the oil.
Not yet cultivated, explored or exploited? Nope, these have all been done too.
“Made from traditional palms” means that people having been using these palms for a long time, NOT that these palms are indigenous to Indonesia.
“Coconut oil is known as the “energy fat”” – ah, so just how much of this oil is fat then?
“Slightly lower in calories than most other fats”, but fat is very high in calories, so slightly lower, at best, means high in calories.
“Processed in the liver and converted directly into energy” – actually, this is what happens with all fats.
“16,000rp” – yes, but you are not telling us for how many micromillilitres our 16,000rp will buy.
No “VITCO”, you belong to the same club as all the ones above, which were all taken from part of the Health Section of the newspaper, less alone the majority of the remainder of the newspaper.
And lastly, I have to finish with this one from the Restaurant Section, that had me rolling about with laughter, with tears pouring down my cheeks and severe abdominal pains until virtually complete exhaustion overcame me.
The Luscious Bali, of Sunset Boulevard are proudly advertising their “Chocolate and Wine” every Friday, for if you spend a “MINIMUM” , a minimum no less, OF 700,000rp on your food and beverage bill, you get a complimentary bottle of their house wine and box of chocolate.
Firstly, you do not buy the bill. Secondly, spending 699,999rp, does NOT earn you their compliments, and thirdly, their cheap stuff bottle of house wine and a single chocolate, will probably amount to less than 1% of what they will require you to spend.
Yes, Luscious Bali, I am going to award you the Balibounder “Certificate of Hornswogglement”; an old English term to mean that you are all a bunch of swindlers. And then I felt so sorry for all those tourists taken in by this dupe.
Yes, one and all, the truth as always will without, and the evidence blatantly displayed informs us all, that businesses in Bali are trying everything they can to give you, the tourist, the poorest deal they can.
