Expatriate Children on Bali

[patatje]

Hello,
As we are thinking about moving or 'long stay' in Bali next year one of our most important concerns is "what about our kids?" The eldest will be 4 by then (the youngest 1). As we live now in Belgium we have no problem thinking about the quality of schools here. But how about the schools in Bali? Are they good? Are there schools were they can also learn Dutch or do you need a private teacher for that? (I find very little dutch-speaking people on the forum, are there so little dutch-speaking people in Bali or are they stuck in Yogya and Jepara? Did they not find the way to this forum?)
And how are your children coping with the Bali life? Are there also (mixed) couples with children who first lived in Europe, Australia or another western country and then moved to Bali?
Thanks.
Pat

 

[Roy]

RE: What about your kids?

Hi Pat!

Good post…and a good question. I think I’m the only regular poster living in Bali with kids…three boys in my case. If you want, you can see them here: http://www.bali-expat-pictures.com/deta ... mage_id=25

Our oldest, Bima is just over four, and our youngest, Komang, aka, Nyoman Ari is just over one. In the middle, at almost three now is Rama Wishnu. He’s the one in the photo that is not too pleased!

In my humble opinion, there is nowhere else on earth that I would rather raise children than right here on Bali. We live in a kampung, or a very traditional Balinese village, called Bunutan, which is slightly north of Ubud. Our population is just a little over one thousand, so we all know one another. My older boys are free to walk the village at will, and without any worries from me or my wife. Indeed, Balinese children are raised as much by the village as they are by the parents. The word “community” means something here in Bali…now sadly lost in most of the West.

Schooling is an issue to be reckoned with. For our oldest two boys, my wife drives them every day (except Sunday) to their school in Denpasar, which is about an hour journey each way. It’s a grueling routine for my wife, especially considering that our oldest is only in kindergarten, and Rama is in pre-school. To help in the balance of daily activities, I do a large part of the cooking, although I prefer Eri’s delights to my attempts.

As a supplement to my boy’s “formal” education, I have taken up home education. While on various business related travels, I always shop the book stores, and buy lots of books geared towards educating the young in math, English, history, science and etc. I try to spend at least an hour a day with Bima and Rama working with these books.

Being an inherently lazy kind of person, I have learned to put that trait into positive use. I only speak English to my children, as my skills with bahasa Indonesia are very limited, and only second to my lack of skill with bahasa Bali. This has worked very, very well. My boys know English from me, (and a little from my wife), Indonesian from my wife, and Balinese from our pembantu and the rest of our village. Bima, who is not yet five, is already proficient in all three languages. He’s two up on me, and a tenth my age!

In the end, I have no stress about the education of my children. Actually, having many expatriate friends with children, they don’t seem to stress either. We all realize that our children are being raised in an entirely wholesome and marvelous environment. Free of the highly competitive atmosphere of western schools, our kids are free to learn at their own pace, and without pressure.

Learning should be a joy and a pleasure. Education is not measured by collegiate degrees from ivy league colleges. Some of the most intelligent and wise Balinese I have met, never got through primary school. Living in Bali has caused me to re-think this whole issue of educating our young.

 

[patatje]

RE: What about your kids?

Thanks for your reply. Something else I want to ask you. My wife is from Java. Do you think that's a problem when we talk about integrating in public (Bali) life? And is it easier to adjust to real life if you life in a kampung or is it more interesting to life in een expat-community?
The experience we have when we stay in Java with my wife her parents and family is that people (and salesmen, streetvendors, musicians..) in the neighbourhood very quickly know that we are there and always hang around, watch every step.... and hope something falls of the car for them(???) Do you experience the same in your kampung? Do they always expect something from you...? While I always try to be one of them and not to attract to much attention they look at me like I am that different from them. They make the distance not me. It's no critic and I don't want to generalise it. It's sometimes a bit confusing. Hope I can express myself clearly enough because English is only my third language.
Greetings Pat,

 

[Roy]

RE: What about your kids?

Pat, my situation is pretty unique. The kampung I live in is my wife’s village, and her family is highly regarded on a number of levels…one being her father’s well known alang alang business, a brother in law in the Bali legislature, and another brother in law being one of the most famous Balinese artists, designated a National Artist of Indonesia by past president Megawati. So, although I was the first Tamu to move into Bunutan, the transition was not all that difficult.

No, you should not experience any problems in Bali due to your wife being from Java. Many of my expats friends are married to Javanese, and several of these women are best friends with my Balinese wife. There are many cultural similarities between Islamic Javanese, and the Balinese. Bali has a very large population of Javanese as well as from other areas of Indonesia.

For sure though, living in a kampung has certain expectations. Becoming a member of the banjar, or at least expressing your desire to be a member is important. Most villages have at least three, if not five public temples. These temples require a great deal of time and expense to maintain. As a member of a village, even if not Hindu, a certain expectation to help with this important endeavor is expected of all. After all, we don’t pay real estate taxes, so consider this as a civic responsibility.

Virtually every expat I know has stories about acclimating to life on Bali, especially those who live in small villages. The ones that have made it, that are successful, all share a commonality of being patient, and forever remembering that in the end…Bali is for the Balinese.

 

[Sparky]

RE: What about your kids?

I find it very interesting how everyone has a different tale to tell of the experiences they have had as they have tried to slot into Balinese lifestyle and integrate into the culture. Some have been more successful than others and i think that Roy has a good point in being patient. Roy you dony appear to have had any hang ups or problems or if you have you have just let them go over your head and carried on or as you put it been patient. As you say always remember that everyone can experience Bali and have a little bit of it but primarily Bali is for the Balinese. Another common hang up with a lot of people as they try to settle into a village is being accepted totally by the members of the village. Again maybe it depends on the status of the family you have become related to although i bet even this does not mean you will be treated as everyone else in the village. Again i am just giving my thoughts on this and perhaps only the people who are there to experience it can really tell it as it is. Am i right in what i am saying Roy or are there other reason on acceptance aprt from the obvious ones like trying to be honest and decent to statrt with because if your none of these mate it dont matter where you try to integrate into as it wont be long before your found out.

Interesting thoughts

Regards Sparky

 

[Roy]

RE: What about your kids?

Sparky, I agree. No matter how long a foreign born expat lives on Bali, how proficient they become with bahasa Balinese, or how often they attend temple ceremonies…they will never become Balinese, or regarded as Balinese. Some expats have attempted this total immersion, adopting Balinese names, speaking the language well, and wearing sarongs all the time. Even those who have gone as far as obtaining Indonesian citizenship are still regarded by the Balinese as Tamu…and will always be Tamu. They may be able to be cremated in a Balinese cremation ceremony, and several have in past years, but in the end, they will always be remembered as a foreigner.

For the children of mixed Tamu/Balinese couples, this is often not the case, so long as the children have been raised as Balinese. That is to say, as children, they integrate within the village, do not attend schools for foreigners only, and are actively part of the Bali/Hindu culture. This would include having all the appropriate ceremonies for them that relate to the passing of age including tooth filing prior to their marriage.

One of my closest friends, indeed a Guru for me, is half Balinese and half Dutch. In all respects, he looks foreign, (his father was Dutch), but is surely 100% Balinese on the inside. A true and recognized balian, he has even assisted at major ceremonies held at the mother temple, Besakih. He is a highly regarded teacher of dance, and is often consulted in matters relating to the reading and interpretation of ancient Balinese lontar. Because his mother was Balinese, and Balinese blood flows within his body, he is treated in all respects as a Balinese.

To quote a famous line from the Dirty Harry movie, “a man has got to know his limitations.” Too add a little more to that, an expat has also got to have reasonable expectations.

I like to tell a funny story to newly arrived expats who are wrestling with village acceptance. For the first six months after I moved permanently into Bunutan, the typical question from the villagers was, “where you from?” For the next twelve months the question du jour was, “when you go home?” From then on, it’s just a simple “pagi ba pak” or “how are you?” Another sign of acceptance, or at least tolerance, is that no one ever asks me anymore…“transport?”

 

[Cassienne]

RE: What about your kids?

Lucky you, Roy! I get asked that question constantly! Along with a whole bunch of others!
Hey, I was wondering though, which school do your kids go to? Although I doubt it, I'm now thinking maybe they go to mine! That would be interesting to think of me teaching your children
Love Cassienne

 

[Sanurian]

Roy's and Sparky's observations both ring true to me. The 'bottom line', if there is such a thing, is the only way to be 100% Balinese is to be born that way. Everything else is a compromise of one kind or another.

Nothing extraordinary about that. And nothing especially untoward, either. Unless something goes way wrong somehow, and expats will definitely be put in their place (and not necessarily by people with big smiles on their faces). It's quite amazing how swiftly tables can turn (not just on Bali, but throughout Indonesia). Then again, people can get cold-shouldered in western countries, too.

Questions of 'balance' here are fine, so long as the balamce falls squarely with the Balinese. There's been a lot of hoo-ha lately about the proposed bridge across the Java Strait (joining Ketupang in east Java with Gilimanuk on Bali). Various prominent Balinese religious groups are opposed to it because of the polluting effect it'll supposedly have upon 'traditional' Balinese culture. These same geniuses don't seem to grasp the fact that the ferries are there already - have been for many years. The bridge'll make the crossing faster...that's all. Whatever 'damage' can happen to Bali has already happened, and continues unabated.

This sort of thinking just highlights the insular mentality of many Balinese in the first place. And their, perhaps not unwarranted, xenophobia.

And Cassienne - it's not for me to speak on somebody else's behalf, but as far as I know, Roy's children attend a private international school, a very long way away from his village. I'm sure Roy will elaborate on this in his own good time.

:shock:

 

[Roy]

Sanurian, excellent points and insight. Cassienne, they attend the Denpasar Children's Center. There is a good mix there of both local kids, kids from mixed marriages, and even a few that are from Bule parents.

None of these private schools are cheap, that's for sure...so I hope you're well paid!

 

[Margriet]

hey patatje,

I'm a primary school teacher from holland and I'm trying to find a job at an international school in Bali. I think, or at least hope, I can move to Bali next summer. If you're there at that time also and we live not so far from each other I could be a private teacher for your children. Finding a Dutch school in Bali is not so easy (at least I couldn't find one until now) but if you find a Dutch pre-school or primary school can you contact me then?

And Cassienne, I thought you were teaching in a secondary school? But now I understand it's a primary school? Can you maybe help me with finding a job at a primary school?

 

[Sparky]

Cass aye you on a salary or vol. :? If you are on a salary excuse me for being a nosey Bar Steward (note non swear word) but i am curious as to what the rates are for teachers. Cass were you are teacher in New Zealand and what ages and subject did you teach. From your age my dear i take it you have not long graduated and finally what salary were you paid in NZ. The reason i am asking these questions is because i am curious as to what and why you gave it up in NZ and what and why Bali. :? I know you might think piss of you nosey **** but i would be greatfulif you could answer these questions for me. I am sure knowing what a lovely bright cheerful lady you are you(i know i sound a right creeping *******) will help me out with my survey Cass. I am going to be in Bali in March (i hope) and will treat you to a nice meal for your troubles if youare still there Cass. 8)


Sparky

 

[Roy]

Sparky! Were you wearing a rain coat when you wrote that post? Why not just come out and ask Cass if she'd like to see your etchings? :shock:

 

[Sparky]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Well i was just trying to be polite and make Cass feel at ease with the forum and also give Cass the chance to draw on my in depth knowledge of Bali. (i can hear you Roy 'what in depth knowledge of Bali) Well you gotta try i suppose. No but seriousley i would gladly pay for dinner hoping Cassies zest for life was infectious.



Sparky

 

[Sanurian]

Yes Sparky ... you do sound a bit infatuated here with Ms Cassienne. Correct all us old buggers if we're wrong. Nevertheless, I don't blame you for one moment.

Rainbows in waterfalls can be hard to find these days. Lots of us are still looking. Can't think of anything else to say (which is a blessing)...

 

[Sparky]

San (short for Sanurian if you dont mind) thanks for the compliment in assuming i am young, that is unless you are seventy plus in which case i would be young compared to you. However on the subject of age i am reaching the biggest milestone of all on Friday folks. Yes i am actually FORTY YEARS OLD would you believe it. I dont know about you lot but every birthday we realise we are getting older and me personally i have not dwelled on it to much in past years. We reach significant milestones such as our eighteenth, twentyfirst and i suppose thirtyeth but somehow this one i am aproaching has made me really think. No but honestly i really for the first time have sat back and thought wow i am now middle aged. It has also for the first time made me stand back and realise just how short our time on this planet really is and perhaps it is time for me to really start to lthank god i have my health and that i am more fortunate than a lot of other people on this planet so instead of wishing my life away some days when i am feeling a little miserable to start living life to the full.Also start to realise that age holds no barriers and that the best years could be ahead of me if i want them to be and realise that everything is achievable if you really want it. I think Roy would agree with me here as he really has found true happiness and fulfillment in life and although he has crossed the half way line in life probably feels younger than he did when he was in his thirties. This i am sure is all down to the fact that every day he wakes up he probably is greatful to the gods or god of his religion that he really has found his paradise. Yes i know i might have waffled on a bit but as i aproach the big day on Friday i really will look at life in a different way and realise that there are no barriers with age and that if there are it is because i have put them there myself.

P.s Adress will be supplied if anyone want to send me a gift or perhaps send me some money to celebrate my big day. :lol: :lol:


Regs Sparky

 

[Roy]

Sparky! Selamat! Life begins at forty, and that's no joke. If it's any solace to you, I remember very well the stress and anxiety that I went through when I turned 40, and that was 14 years ago. Lots of clichés go along with this, like the classic one, “you’re only as old as you feel”, etc. etc., ad nauseum.

For me, I’ve broken down my life into two lifetimes…pre 40 and post 40. You already know which of those two lifetimes I have enjoyed the best. As for the health issues, take it from the late George Burns, who lived as long as anyone could hope, drinking, smoking cigars and hanging around young women. On his 90th birthday he said something like, “the worst thing about being this old, is that all my doctors are dead.”

Happy birthday amigo!

 

[Sergio]

Hi patatje,

As a child I have been to just about every kind of school imaginable (parents were missionaries) and I know first hand how big of an issue a child's schooling is (even at a very early level). I also know how important is for a child to be able to cope with a foreign country, people and culture.


How would children cope with Bali life...

For me I strongly believe that our children would be blessed and extremely happy to grow up with such a rich Balinese culture full of great values that so many of us have lost a long time ago... mix in some tourist and expats from all over the world for added flavor and I don't know about the Balinese but for me it could not be better. When I look at the average family life here in Canada the US and now more and more Europe all I see is children growing up watching MTV, hanging out at malls and yelling at their parents who have no time for them because the high cost of living has both of them working fulltime. Babies and young children are raised by day cares and have lost all sense of what a family... when they get older they come home from school grab something out of the fridge and sit in front of the TV playing video games and when asked to do something by their parents they give a big mouth back...nobody sits at the dinner table as a family anymore. I think Canada, the US, Europe... ect... are great place but I can't ignore these issues I just mentioned. A recent poll showed that 1 out of every 2 people in Canada was over weight ! Wow that so sad and to me it shows neglect from the parents... who I am sure neglect themselves in there busy daily grind to support their materialistic demanding children. So for me, not only will our children cope with Bali life ok, but I believe they will be blessed in almost everyway I can think of !


Now that only leave me with one concern...schooling.

First, I totally agree with what Roy said ...

" Learning should be a joy and a pleasure. Education is not measured by collegiate degrees from ivy league colleges. Some of the most intelligent and wise Balinese I have met, never got through primary school. Living in Bali has caused me to re-think this whole issue of educating our young."

I love to be able to live in Bali and raise our children there but what happens when they get older ?... What will their ambitions be ?... Will they want to be engineers, doctors, god forbid lawyers ? ... If so then there education at even the earliest levels is very important ! Like I mentioned before I have been through all kinds of schools with different languages (Dutch, English, French) and every time I moved my education suffered (my parents feel terrible about this) ! Lucky for me I was never interested in going to a prestigious university or perusing a career which required a higher degree of schooling. Even though I can't take down a phone message with out spelling errors, no matter what language, I am perfectly happy with my childhood and feel that what I picked up about life along the way had great value to me now, but that is me and of course I would not want to chose or limit our children's ambitions, passions or dreams in making a higher education difficult for them. I assume that there are quite good International schools in Bali but they are extremely expensive for my wife and I, in Canada it would be free... there lies the dilemma for me. My concern would be for the local schools and I fear that they would indeed make things hard if not limit our children's future dreams of a higher education abroad in say Australia or Canada should they so want that to do that.

I am left with weighing the importance of both these issues agains each other and I can't pick one over the other.

I worry about the distant future way to much... personally I love that about the Balinese and their way being so content with what they have ! but because I did not grow up with Balinese culture I worry about all kind of things like this and maybe I am worrying way to much (most likely I am).

This probable does not help you any... I guess it is a desperate cry for help hoping that someone will calm my worries and bring me back to the real world we live in (or the way it should be), one where we should not boast about our future, say what we will become and what we will accomplish... for we don't even know what awaits us tomorrow... one where we should enjoy our life for what we have. I guess Roy just did that... maybe I need to hear it once more to reassure me...

 

[Sergio]

BTW my sister had the same up bringing as me and she faired just fine in school. She has a degree in linguistics (go figure) and is going for her masters. She is a very gifted writer/poet and one of the nices people you will ever meet ! ... I guess I just shot myself in the foot as now I have no excuse for how I turned out :roll:

 

[drbruce]

Sergio,

Education is almost always an issue for parents moving to Bali (or any other developing nation). We want to do what is best for our children while fulfilling our needs as well. And, in fact, the education of our offspring is the primary role that a person plays in life as a parent. I write this as an educator, anthropologist and parent of five children. So...

Yes the international schools in Bali are quite expensive. Even the second tier "international" schools are very expensive. The regular national schools are almost free - there are building fees, school fees, uniforms, books, and other incidentals. The language of instruction is Indonesian. My children have gone to an international school (I was the principal there and one of their teachers), a private school in Bali, and a public school in Sumbawa. I would rate the international school first, the public school second and the private school third. The Indonesian national curriculum needs quite a bit of work, but so do most that I've seen. I like the math curriculum for the most part, although it needs major revision in parts, the social studies curriculum is good at the junior high level, english is awful and needs a native speaking foreigner to fix it, religion and health are ok. The main thing is how the teacher delivers the curriculum, and that is the variable wherever you go.

You can also help a lot by working with your child at home. There are many choices of software that can be used to help educate your child in the basics like math, reading, writing, geography, etc. More and more schools are putting their curricula online.

Get together with some parents and an educator or two and start your own school.

Salam,

Bruce

 

[Sergio]

Thanks drbruce,

I am sure it will be fine. I worry to much about things sometimes... I never used to be like that in fact those who knew me before I had children would never recognize me now. I was the most care free person going and I can't remember any stress in those days... now my life has change drastically and stress and worries fill my everyday life ! Here everything is money and without it one can't even leave the house (or in my case low income apt.). At least when I lived in Indonesia my friends and I could do all sorts of things without money and the quality of life was much better. That is a big reason why I can't wait to move back to Indonesia were for some reason my outlook on life changes and the stress diminishes. I am sure things will be more then fine for my children in Bali and I am looking forward to having them there !

Thank you very much for the inside information on Bali schools curriculum.

All the best !