A question I used to hate, but now love to be asked!

R

Ringo

Member
When you visit Bali and you walk the streets, or the beach, or in fact anywhere else you go, you will meet with local people. Smiles on their faces, asking you a series of questions that are typical for the Balinese.

For example: When you arrive? Where you stay? You married? Have children, how many? You will buy (just name it)? - all questions I've always loved to hear and answer.

And the one I've always hated: How long you stay? (too short, my friend, I have to leave but do not want to!)

However now this question has become my favorite one because I now can answer: Sampai mati! It's great to be an expat, finally, in Bali :D

Cheers!
 
That's great news?

Hope your transition is a smooth one. I am extremely jealous!!!!! I hope to get back soon but it is hard to find time !!!
Congrats again
lauren
 
Selamat...You're Back

Pak Ringo...always good to hear from you...on the phone, and specially here on the forum. Mind if I add a particularly annoying question to your list? This one usually only comes after you just started living here. It's "when are you going home?" And the answer, "ini pulang" or "ini rumah," as you point to your house, only yields the glazed eyes of a jacked deer.

That's almost ancient history for me now, and with total Banjar acceptance, it's mostly forgotten except that I've heard some disturbing stories from recently arrived expats, that cause me to recall those early days, and what I had to do to finally be taken seriously as a member of THEIR community.

Once the "dues" are paid...and I ain't talking rupiah, the initiation is complete. At that time, the only question you're likely to hear is "apa kabar Ba Pak?" Then, and only then you know for certain...you've made it. Bali is home.
 
two ways of Pulang

Roy said:
Mind if I add a particularly annoying question to your list? This one usually only comes after you just started living here. It's "when are you going home?" And the answer, "ini pulang" or "ini rumah," as you point to your house, only yields the glazed eyes of a jacked deer.
Click to expand...

I don't mind you adding this question to the list, Pak Roy. It is a good one to mention! And another nice answer to this question might be: "sebentar dulu, silahkan mampir ya?" - in a minute, please come and visit, ok?

.....although "pulang" for the Balinese - contrary to going home to the house they now live in - also may mean: going back to their ancestral home village to celebrate for example the upacara leluhur, the odalan (year feast) of their ancestral family temple.

Another way to find that you are accepted in their community: paying Balinese prices on the (morning)markets - tip: do not ask 'how much for this', but simply say 'rp 1000' or 'rp. 2000' while pointing at the food you wish to buy :wink: The reactions of the traders afterwards are great to watch:
"Berapa bayar"? "Dia beli seribu, dua ribu".....

See you soon in Ubud, and when you come north: silahkan, mampir!
 
Initiation Dues

I need to hear more about those...
and also from others like you, Roy and Ringo, I vacillate between excitement about making a home here with family life and all, and on the other hand I am having a terrible case of stage fright.
I am walking the Ubud streets right now, not feeling like doing the tourist stuff any more, and yet not really having stepped over to the other side yet, into my own home, with my stuff and plenty of useful things to do to make a life of it. (Probably from November on)
So the best I can do right now, is go to class at the library each morning, to learn some more Indonesian. Hopefully soon, I can at least communicate some with the folks in the family compound and not feel so much 'on the outside looking in.' Even though, when the real fun starts of course it all happens in Balinese. :wink: I mean, I feel that I am totally accepted and taken into the fold, but I am dying to interact with the people who are to be my family. At least in the brief intervals-- between the times when in Bali home style of socializing everybody is ignoring each other--and to them I am one of them now and don't need to be entertained like a guest.
And then there are times and things, where I just don't get it and get pretty pissed off for a moment.
I'll need to get over this anxiety whether I am going to 'cut it' here.
Tell me I need to stop tripping :roll: or tell me some of your early experience.

Sampai lagi...
Uma
 
Transitioning in Bali

Great post Uma…and very insightful. Right now is a tough time to be breaking into living in Bali. There is a blue “funk” a negative “haze” or an imbalance as the Guru’s and priests would describe it, that “hangs” over Bali right now. Virtually everyone I know, expat or Balinese agrees with this, and senses it as well.

For certain, this haze, this funk will pass, and balance will be restored. But in the meantime, it’s a challenge for everyone.

If you are around Ubud on any given Sunday, you should come up to Stefan’s Puri Asri in Petulu for brunch. Not only is the food great, and the drinks cold, but the pool and spa is just super. You could meet quite a lot of the local expats there. We all rely on one another…if only for emotional and mental support. Another benefit is possible networking for any business ideas you may have.

The only thing you wrote that sent a “yellow card” flashing in my head was, ” and then there are times and things, where I just don't get it and get pretty pissed off for a moment.” Ringo, I am confident will have some good ideas on this, and so will Py if he’s checking in on the forum. As for me, all I can say is “let it go.” Trust me. Even veteran expats like my friend Victor Mason experience this regularly. I’ve seen some expats literally go nuts…we call it “troppo” by trying to absorb Bali too much. It cannot be done.

See ya soon I hope at Stefans! In the meantime, it might be helpful to remember one thing. It’s all about balance. That is the one essential thing for a happy life in Bali…simply balance.
 
Transitioning in Bali

OM Swastyastu

Uma, Roy, and others

".... And then there are times and things, where I just don't get it and get pretty pissed off for a moment."

Yes, this is very recognizable, and it sure is Bali too!

You think you get it (or... you think that the Balinese get it?) and in the end it appears NOT to be the case..... and it makes you frustrated, pissed off. And then it is hard to preserve that Smile on your face, the Smile that the Balinese master so well.

IMHO what you get, is Sekala - the 'outside' or visible world of the Balinese. The friendly smile, their "Yes", which often appears to be a "No" or a "I don't know". Very confusing at times!

Getting grasp of Niskala - the 'inside' or invisible world of the Balinese takes time, a long time, and all you can do is try to learn every day - the language, a total different way of thinking, a total different way of communicating, and trying to control emotions when you find yourself, again, in that situation where you just don't get it.

It is one of the challenges for every expat that lives in Bali, and it determines for a great part the speed with which one transitions in Bali.

OM, santi, santi, santi, OM
 
Initiation dues...

Thanks so much Roy and Ringo, thank God for support systems. I am signing up for Sunday brunch, I am really looking forward to this.
Roy, I'll give you a call later, to get an idea about time and stuff.
Ringo, you're coming too? Or is your spot real far from Ubud?

See you all soon, 8) I feel really reassured for now.
Uma
 
Hi folks,
Uma, thank you for voicing some of our own concerns -- though we don't move until July, we've certainly experienced similar feelings during our visits. From what I gather of your situation, you are married to a local person, and thus are integrating into a family. This is much different and more intense (and possibly lonely) than us, a couple of soon to be retired Americans who, like many others, fell in love with Bali and next thing found ourselves way over our heads in land leasing, house-building, etc. We are just looking for something different and more satisfying than your typical American retirement plan. However, in typical American fashion, we have begun to feel "at home" and comfortable with some of the people in our village (most of whom are employed in some way building our house for the past couple of years), and are thinking that things are just "hunky dory". Lots of smiles and the beginnings of some chat back in forth in their limited English and my barely emergent bahasa. But of course we don't really have a clue as to how these folks view the world, themselves, us, etc. As you point out, we are still being essentially treated as guests. This will no doubt go on for a long time and in some ways, is not all bad.

In the meantime, however, don't miss out on the Sunday brunch at Puri Asri. We went twice during our recent visit in Jan-Feb, and plan to be regulars once we're there in July. It's all of the things that Roy said, and more. From what I've seen of your postings, you seem to be one who thinks and feels deeply. You'll be happy to know that conversation at the brunch covers the waterfront from light-hearted banter to philosophical discourse (with a hefty share of silence when lunch is served). The food is outstanding - whatever you do, don't miss dessert - and Stefan and his wife couldn't be nicer hosts.

by the way, what do you think of the language classes at the Library? I stopped in and spoke with Laurie about them when we were there in Jan., and Susan and I plan to take them beginning in August. Are they helpful? Are you learning?

Hope all goes well for you. See you all "not soon enough"....

Dennis and Susan Ferrell
 
Welcome Ringo

although I can welcome you only from the 'broader' Asia, 3 hours away in Malaysia. Most of the things you experience over there I also experience over here - except that you guys are not having the Chinese component to it. I wish you all good luck, happiness and peace.
 
Initiation Dues

Hi Uma
We purchased a book in Ubud last November - "A Little Bit One O'Clock". Written by William Ingram - lives in Ubud and you may or will or have met them. Covers the system/problems rather well. Couldn't put the book down as it explained a lot to us (Tourists with a T who have intermixed over the last 18 years and seen many changes.)
We can't take our ideals into a culture without accepting other ideals. Very much give and take.
think you would enjoy it and all its frustrations.

Cheers and good luck

Juliette
________________
stay cool - all the same in 20 years.
 
Nice post Juliette

And, talking of books, if you haven't gotten a hold oF this one, grab it at any opportunity. BALI...LIVING IN TWO WORLDS...A CRITICAL SELF-PORTRAIT. Edited by Urs Ramseyer and I Gusti Raka Panji Tisna, this modest tome, (by size) delivers a most powerful punch, as written by various Balinese authors. Moreover, it is equally illustrated in equally great power, by the gifted photographer, Rama Surya. It is the second best book on Bali, followed by Fred's masterpiece, and bookended by Adrian Vicker's BALI, A PARADISE CREATED. These three books are MUST reads.
 
Initiation....continued

Terima kasih banyak--great comments from all of you. Things are looking much better when you know you're not unique, and there's a lot of experience around to share.
I'll be looking for the 'one o'clock' book later today. Upstairs at the library is a good reading spot.
I had several classes at the library so far; Tony is one of the resident teachers there. If you get 3 people together you can get a group deal, but be it private or a group setting the classes are very reasonable. I have had a once a week tutor in LA for 8 months, so I have a little vocabulary already, but I can't seem to jump the 'hurdle' into just starting to talk---ie keeping nonchalant about making mistakes and horrible grammar. I believe the library classes will be great for starting to converse. I am pretty pleased with them. Actually. I have a lot of homework over the weekend.
The little library is a great place I think, with lots of fun activities. I can see myself plugging into it doing some community service.
I am not married yet, but that's coming up as soon as the house is finished, and we have the money for all necessary preliminary ceremonies and the wedding. Considering I haven't had any of them yet, this will have a hefty price tag...and then of course it might have to entail a village event, or at least family, all the old schoolfriends, the work friends, the uncle pemangku, grandma and the gang on the other side of the village, not to mention expat friends and if any family of the bride chooses to show up.
Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Roy, I share your sentiment about the 'living it two worlds' book. Great contemporary assessment. I would also recommend it for serious readers along with A. Vickers, and the two Eiseman volumes. I am barely scratching the surface of the sekala-niskala books (sp? I don't remember right now). There is other stuff around, but I feel thats pretty limited or even worthless. I'd say don't ever pick up Bali Moon (arghh), but the 'Painted Alphabet" by Diana Darling (Latitudes editor?) is cute as a novel.
I also sort of liked 'A house in Bali." Had no idea about the gamelan prior to reading it.
Laurie at the library has an email list to keep people updated on what's happening there.
Alright then, I'll be back later.
Best to everybody. I appreciate all of you.
Uma
 
See you tomorrow maybe?

I admire your commitment to learn Bahasa Indonesian...and maybe even some Bahasa Balinese? I'm horrible at it...no aptitude for language, and basically just lazy. The upside of my laziness is that my kids will and are learning English. It is kinda funny though, the look in Bima's eye..."what's wrong with him?" :shock: It makes sense though (his confusion)...as I'm the only one from whom he hears English.

The "downside" is my inability to communicate effectively, or on a serious level with my wife's family. Then again...maybe "that's a good thing." :lol: And...I'll never get over my embarrasment when meeting a lovely girl named Ketut and announcing, "nice to meet you, Kentut." :roll: My other bad habit is ordering coffee, "tidak susu, tidak gila." Great for laughs though!
 
sunday brunch & kopi pahit

Uma: something urgent came up, I am afraid I cannot make it to Ubud next Sunday. Maybe a next Sunday? How long will you be in Bali this time?

Roy: next time order kopi pahit - sing susu, sing gula, sing gila :lol:
- I'll go, like most Balinese, for a kopi manis

Cheers!
 
Those were the OLD days Ringo

Very funny. I decided to give up coffee...just kidding of course! Ring me up when you arrive. Uma, agree?
 
Ubud next week?

Roy: I am not sure yet about the date, but I have some business to do in DPS, somewhere next week. And on my way back to Lovina I'll have another errand to run in Ubud. As soon as I know the date I will let you know! I am looking forward to meet with you, so we can discuss the old days.... :roll: :wink:

Cheers, cya soon!
 
What is the time frame for brunch?

Hi Uma and all,

Uma, you're welcome to ring me or email and we can get together...we are also wandering the streets of Ubud right now...settling in...
I'm interested in the library classes...I was studying with audio tapes for months before we arrived but a real class would be helpful.
 
brunch was fun...

got to meet a bunch of nice folks and felt really welcome. The Ubud place to go on a Sunday morning...I'll be back there in November.
I am heading over to my class again this morning. They have a international women's gamelan group there too, believe it or not. A couple of dozen women, I'll be sure to check that out next time , seems to be lots of fun.
Here's a piece of news... I am driving! Drove the old Mazda from Kintamani back to Ubud yesterday. My other half cringed only a couple of times, when I almost "ditched" a rice farmer with his load walking along the side of the road. It's quite a challenge to keep far enough to the middle of the road, while you're swerving around potholes, honking as you're coming up on pedestrians, shifting left-handed, passing on the right, avoiding the eyes of police, having passers just about sideswipe you, as they cut in in front to barely miss an oncoming bemo!!!
You should go back to Lothars adaptation of "driving in Bali", a post he did some time ago...I believe every word now!

Lise, I sent you a pvt message with my HP number. Please call. I have daytimes open until the weekend.

Uma
 
Hi Uma,
Welcome to the ranks of Zen drivers.... a bit different than California, eh? There's a certain ebb and flow, assertive/passive rhythm to it that I have actually come to enjoy in a bizarre sort of way. It certainly focuses one's attention!

You sound as if you're in a bit better place than the other day. Good to hear it.

Dennis & Susan Ferrell
 
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