Retiring but uncertain how to pass the days

mugwump

I think SpeedDave got on his bike and sped!

YachtRock

Markit wrote (yes, there are exception, I know, count on your fingers) As there are to every "rule" - Western women marrying locals is an unmitigated disaster - I actually know of only 2 cases where it seems to have worked out and in both cases the girls have huge cojones and run the show completely. Western men marrying local girls - not much better but most of the men have experience with one or two marriages already behind them so damage is limited. I'd love to see your "due diligence". What do you do ask around her village? Chat with her old boyfriends/pimp/husbands/children?

Well, I will need several hands to count the success stories I know of personally. I agree with you about the western women marrying local men though. Never heard of success there. As for due diligence, it's nothing complicated. Just making sure she comes from a good, loving family with minimal childhood trauma, is educated, and is passionate about something other than money/dick/tik tok, confirming her intentions are pure... you know just making sure that she has the basic qualities of a good human. It's not rocket science.

Balifrog

YachtRock wrote Is it a dream if I'm living it daily? Sorry things didn't work out for you mate but don't mean every relationship is doomed to fail.

Hola, hola.... don't go too fast ! I am single ! F.Y.I. I totalize 28 years living / working in various Asian countries, so I have a fair idea of the game, have seen "love" stories, dreams and drama's everywhere, have enjoyed countless gf and companions short, medium and long term of about every Asian country. And in the process had a mariage, 3 kids, all adult now and 2 living in Europe. Retired now. From the job and calmed down on the chase. BTW : Define your definition of "dream", because maybe being from VERY different cultures we probably don't have the same !

AuroraB

Well as the list of thing "to do" is almost endless perhaps a small list of thing "not to do" might be more useful? 1) anything with locals where the term "Bali family" comes up. 2) anything where (after the first year) you are asked to take part in some ceremony 3) supporting some family in their ambitions to start/expand a business 4) drinking booze in the afternoon regularly. Occasionally, I have a billiards/pool group, is fine. 5) getting involved with any "charitable" group - 99.9% scam 6) teaching locals English language (scam alert) 7) going religiously to one bar/restaurant/shop - the expectation is you will always continue to do it and the prices go up imperceptibly but regularly. 8) form a "real" bond with one of the locals (I know what I said before) - super-glue, you will never get rid of them until you marry - then you're really fecked. 9) marry a local - the surest path to misery I have ever seen (yes, there are exception, I know, count on your fingers) 10) learn the language - after 14 years I've found it nearly impossible and I'm multilingual - it's an age thing and frankly very discouraging.

Good pointers. Here is another one: A) Do not complain about noise from roosters. You may be deported for making complaints about noise! This from a recent case of an American expat and some Russians complaining about the 8-10 fighting roosters stationed outside their Jimbaran guest house: "Bali Governor Wayan Koster asked residents not to pay attention to foreign nationals (WNA) who protested against the sound of a cock crowing. Head of the Regional Office of the Bali Ministry of Law and Human Rights Anggiat Napitupulu threatened to deport William, a foreigner from the United States who shocked the Balinese people with his cock crow petition. The foreigner will be deported if he makes noise again. So, if he makes another petition, it means he is deliberately causing uproar in the community. OK, I'll just threaten deportation, he said." https://travel.detik.com/travel-news/d-6616238/bule-protes-kokok-ayam-koster-minta-warga-bali-pelihara-lebih-banyak-lagi As can be seen from the language, there is no ability here to assess if this noise complaint had it's merits or not. Under the surface there seems to be great resentments towards any foreigners suggesting locals should improve on anything.

YachtRock

Balifrog wrote Hola, hola.... don't go too fast ! I am single ! F.Y.I. I totalize 28 years living / working in various Asian countries, so I have a fair idea of the game, have seen "love" stories, dreams and drama's everywhere, have enjoyed countless gf and companions short, medium and long term of about every Asian country. And in the process had a mariage, 3 kids, all adult now and 2 living in Europe. Retired now. From the job and calmed down on the chase. BTW : Define your definition of "dream", because maybe being from VERY different cultures we probably don't have the same !

That's exactly my point. I think a lot of foreigners come here with a certain "dream" in mind and locals also have their own version of a "dream" but more often than not, those dreams are rooted in selfishness and result in failure when combined. I'm not trying to make an argument or anything. Just trying to say I am in happy, healthy relationship with an Indonesian and I know many more that are as well. All hope is not lost if our new friend who started this thread wanted to pursue romance here to pass his time. Should he be careful? Absolutely. Should he be hopeless? Far from it.

SpeedDave

mugwump wrote I think SpeedDave got on his bike and sped!

Not at all ! Markit's list is very sound and I agree with all ( and more ) of them. Roosters crowing ? I actually love the "rural" sounds ! I also really dig the smells, the food, the weather and mostly the (local) people. Trying to learn the language did cross my mind, and it would be a form of structured activity that suits my personality ( i am (generally) a follower, not a leader) but my language learning skills absolutely suck, so that would probably just be a waste of time. I guess I a just going to have to take some time and deep thinking around how to comfortably achieve this dream. Maybe a 30 day (visa constrained) trials might be the go? I am however very grateful for all the advice so far and both welcome and encourage further dialog from all of you ! So thanks and warm regards !!

britoo

SpeedDave wrote Not at all ! Markit's list is very sound and I agree with all ( and more ) of them. Roosters crowing ? I actually love the "rural" sounds ! I also really dig the smells, the food, the weather and mostly the (local) people. Trying to learn the language did cross my mind, and it would be a form of structured activity that suits my personality ( i am (generally) a follower, not a leader) but my language learning skills absolutely suck, so that would probably just be a waste of time. I guess I a just going to have to take some time and deep thinking around how to comfortably achieve this dream. Maybe a 30 day (visa constrained) trials might be the go? I am however very grateful for all the advice so far and both welcome and encourage further dialog from all of you ! So thanks and warm regards !!

FYI a 60 day stay is also doable. The 30 day VOA available online or at the arrival desk is extendable to 60 days either self service or with the aid of an agent, just prior to the 30 day mark. I am assuming you are from an eligible country' Agent fees probably make a B111 (b211 even) less attractive for shorter stays but can get you 6 months after which you can apply onshore or leave. You'll need an agent or a trusted local with an immigration account.

SpeedDave

Thanks Murph, some solid advice right there. Sounds like you're an Aussie ? ( me too ) You mentioned that accommodation is "everywhere". Are you talking air'b'n'b ? or something else ? Can you elaborate on that ?

murphynagari

You can have both worlds in Bali live in local areas and when you want some Nightlife just go to Kuta etc etc for weekend. Note to permanently live in local area you must get permission from village heads that's why it's important to make bonds and let them get to know you etc. Bali culture is a big family every one is a mother a father a brother an uncle etc etc they have carstas example Ida Bagus and Agung is highest so everyone who is from that carsta is your mother your father your sister your brother etc etc

AuroraB

murphynagari wrote example Ida Bagus and Agung is highest so everyone who is from that carsta is your mother your father your sister your brother etc etc

Funny. I had one "Ida Bagus" running a nightclub near my previous villa and the music kept me up until 6m almost evenlight. I asked my landlord, an "Agung" to see what he could do to improve the situation. He gave me a miserable look and said he tried for years but it was impossible. Not my kind of "father".

murphynagari

SpeedDave wrote Hello all, long time lurker but first time poster. So I find myself recently single and about to retire. I've been to Bali about a dozen times over the last 30 odd years and love everything about it, so now my mind wanders to those golden times of warm ocean breezes and amazing food. ( also, the jungle, waterfalls, smells, sounds, smiles, spirituality, freedom, colours, intrigue, ..... everything really ) My previous travels have really only been staying at various resorts and wandering the local neighbourhoods with "the group" ( pretty unadventurous i know ) So now I am seriously contemplating staying long term, but I really worry that I will just have nothing to "do" in any meaningful long term way. I really am not one of those adventurous wander-lust free-spirit type of people, so figuring out "what to do" can be somewhat challenging. I know that I could go and do all the "touristy" type things ( mountain biking, water rafting, jungle treks etc ) but that is very short term and usually done in a group. I am talking more longer term, day to day type activities, and I am really stuck. I don't "write" or "Paint" or any other type of solo endeavour, so feel that I might end up just sitting in my room staring at the walls. So my question is, "What do other Bali retirees fill their days in paradise with after the "honeymoon" period ? " Thanks in advance to all those that reply, David

murphynagari

SpeedDave wrote Not at all ! Markit's list is very sound and I agree with all ( and more ) of them. Roosters crowing ? I actually love the "rural" sounds ! I also really dig the smells, the food, the weather and mostly the (local) people. Trying to learn the language did cross my mind, and it would be a form of structured activity that suits my personality ( i am (generally) a follower, not a leader) but my language learning skills absolutely suck, so that would probably just be a waste of time. I guess I a just going to have to take some time and deep thinking around how to comfortably achieve this dream. Maybe a 30 day (visa constrained) trials might be the go? I am however very grateful for all the advice so far and both welcome and encourage further dialog from all of you ! So thanks and warm regards !!

murphynagari

I've been here 30 years mate and I'm going to give some very good advice 1 coming to Bali as a tourist and living here are 2 different things before you decide to sell up and bring all assets to Bali do the following 1 don't live in the main tourist areas it's 3 times or more expensive for every thing and these areas are not the real Bali. 2 come on a social visa first you can renew it and get 6 months get a good motorbike go round the island accommodation is everywhere no need to book take a couple of months find a place that talks to you makes you feel good etc etc stay in that village area for the rest of your stay get to know the locals who live there etc build a bond . If you decide to do the big move they can help but be careful pick your friends carefully they know every scam in the book find the common people the real local get to know there family etc . As far as finding things to do there is plenty here for retired people to find and get involved in . And lastly if your not married to a Balinese don't buy land if the family you get to know has some do a lease for the land and build a small house Bali style don't get sucked in to buying villas there a rip off you big Bali compound style it's cheap

Markit

Funny thing is that when ever the discussion starts about Local girls/boys with Bule girls/boys the rational for and against are just as equally posited for any relationship anywhere and to just point this at the aforementioned situation(s) draws a false conclusion based on race/age/nationality IMHO. I can equally point a Sugar Daddy/young girl success story out in Europe/USA/Oz as the same failure too. It's not a geographic problem or solution. Personally I enjoy being a Jaded Old Fart - at my age there aren't too many other options

murphynagari

SpeedDave wrote Thanks Murph, some solid advice right there. Sounds like you're an Aussie ? ( me too ) You mentioned that accommodation is "everywhere". Are you talking air'b'n'b ? or something else ? Can you elaborate on that ?

In the old days they use to be called losmans which is basically a local Balinese family who built rows of rooms on there land which is part of there house so technically they are Bnbs Travel around Bali they are everywhere they will have a sign out the front called homestay. If your going to stay for six months it's cheaper to buy a second hand bike with plenty of rego on it get a copy of the id of the seller you will need it to register the bike or when you sell it without a resident visa you can't put in your name but there are 2 bits of paperwork that come with bike the rego paper's and the ownership book the book is the important one who ever has that book owns the bike etc so never give anyone the book . If you befriend a local like I said they can register the bike untill you get a resident visa make sure you keep the book . A room outside of the tourist areas is about about 100 K per night have a shower toilet and balcony etc and a light breakfast usually included fruit salad coffee or tea. If you stay longer you can barter this price down example you find a desa (Village) you like and decide to stay like I said before get to know the family who have the homestay etc and people in the village

Adam

YachtRock wrote That's exactly my point. I think a lot of foreigners come here with a certain "dream" in mind and locals also have their own version of a "dream" but more often than not, those dreams are rooted in selfishness and result in failure when combined. I'm not trying to make an argument or anything. Just trying to say I am in happy, healthy relationship with an Indonesian and I know many more that are as well. All hope is not lost if our new friend who started this thread wanted to pursue romance here to pass his time. Should he be careful? Absolutely. Should he be hopeless? Far from it.

I just wonder how many of these failed mixed marriages are the by-product of jaded old Western blokes (probably already on their second or third wife) marrying the local Javanese sl*t (herself likely with many notches on the belt) who is 20 years his junior and largely done so for self gratification rather than a genuine life partner? Rhetorical question because I already know the answer. It's easy to pigeon hole mixed marriages but they are the sum of all their parts. Sugar daddy marriages don't work in the Western world, throw in cultural complications and the results compound, what a surprise! On the other hand, where the partners are of similar age/interests/patience etc I know of far more success stories than failures. Play stupid games, get stupid prizes.

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