gilbert de jong
Me personally, I pitty the fool who thinks a relation between a 'Bule' and a 20 years (or more)younger girl, is based on love....on her side that is! I see lots of couples like that walking into Hardys or shopping at ABD's etcetc..., some of the girls I know, and also know that they have a Bali BF, or even already married.
Any guy ( not specifically Bert) , who stays with a women who has cheated on him, not only once but many times, has in my book a lack of selfrespect and selfconfidence... And is asking for it to be treated like a 'walking ATM'!
If just by changing the roles around, like it was the man who cheated with another woman and made her pregnant...for sure all women would call him a basterd, and give the advice to the married women to divorce him and take half...if you know what I am saying.
gilbert de jong
[quote=mimpimanis]
Not all Indonesian / western marriages with age difference or not are doomed infidelity & failure as many of the members here can testify to.[/quote]
I didn't say those marriages would be doomed :wink: .
And I am happy for you and Made just having celebrated 10 year-anniversary.
@Kadek....it seems logical to me that if a guy is heartbroken when the relationship ends, it was based on love on his side. Not Lust because to find another girl to feed your lust is pretty easy, depending on the 'standard' of the guy. And from the looks of the couples I was talking about... if that ain't love from the men's side, they (girls) would have to pay for the guy, hahaha. I mean if you (men) have to pay for it, better get someone who's worth the money. Remember I am from Amsterdam, and as you probably know we have prices for everything, and it's pretty normal to talk about stuff like this in NL. So maybe it seems a bit nasty or rough or something like that, but I dont mean it like that. Hope that makes sense.
But you do have a point, and I agree there are probably just as much (older) foreign men taking advantage of (younger) 'local' girls, as the other way around.
I would have liked a response to the latter part of my post too :) , not only to the shocking part . :o
mimpimanis
It's funny because I only ever see this kind of comment about age difference from westerners... In 12 years in Indonesia and all the relationships I know I havent seen it from Indonesians. And strangely enough... the mixed relationships I have known during this time have lasted longer than my western (only) friends relationships....
goldminer
very true Mimpi, my wife was suprised at the postings here, it isnt an issue for us, and i know it isnt for you and Made.
Jimbo
What a subject for discussion! In Berts case his wife was unfaithfully previously and he forgave her but perhaps she never changed. It would be difficult to forgive again I am sure.
As for age difference there is no doubt in my mind that older men can prey on young girls for sex because the girl is poor and maybe uneducated and her body is all she has but these kind of men do not tend to marry them.
Young girls may however marry for financial reasons older men but then are unsatified with the deal and look for "love" elswhere. The man in this kind of relationship can genuinely be in love and so disapointed if things go wrong.
In my life and travels I have seen many marraiges like this take place and many fail but there are sucess stories and I like to think my 27 year old marraige is one and there is 19 years between us in age.
In short there is truth in what all have said which just proves that there is no norm. as for Bert none of that will take the hurt away.....only time.
Kadek
Hi Gilbert,
Ah yes, the second part of your previous posting. Well, it depends on the circumstances as to whether a woman who’s husband had cheated should have (be able to claim) half the family assets in an event of a divorce.
I like fairness and just because a relationship ended, it doesn’t have to end in a war. From my point of view, even though a wife (and indeed in some cases a husband) had been financially inferior during a marriage, in the event of the couple divorcing, both partners should be sharing an equal or fair share of the family assets (whether that be half or otherwise).
Is it fair for example if a stay at home mum/wife who have been married to her successful husband for 20-30 years, who although not have contributed much financially during the marriage to not be given a fair share in the even her husband cheated and decided he wants a new young wife? Just because the husband is the income earner, it doesn’t mean he owned everything the family have. If the cheating husband can simply run away and set up his new life, the wife on the other hand would be in financial difficulty and found herself looking for a job without much experience after years of dedicating her life to her family and ensuring that everything is looked after so her husband can concentrate on advancing his career. What would the roles the wife dedicated her life for worth in the marriage? And what would such wife/partner be entitled for in the event of a divorce?
On the other hand, if an older guy married a young girl and after a couple of years the marriage is in disarray – would she be entitled to half? Unless she has been instrumental in the success and financial growth of the couple during their marriage, then she is not entitled to claim a share of his assets. Or?
[quote] @Kadek....it seems logical to me that if a guy is heartbroken when the relationship ends, it was based on love on his side. [/quote]
My response in my previous post was based on the assumption that you were referring to general relationships of older “Bules” with 20 years or more younger women. I believe in such cases, both sides could have motives other than love – not only the girls.
Although I have met Bert and Dewi, I cannot comment on Bert’s situation nor am I commenting on it on this posting.
I simply dislike how often times, fingers are quickly pointed at the local girls/men for being the ones with the less than honourable intentions or motives in mixed marriages.
I maybe naive and idealistic, but there is nothing wrong with that. :wink:
Cheers
Kadek
SteffandShaz
Bert, my heart goes out to you and I wish you well in your time of healing your heart.
If you ever find yourself in our area of Australia, there's always a spare bedroom here if you need somewhere to crash for a while.
DorisDazed
I don't think that the young/old axis is the main factor here. It's potentially one, of course.
Cultural differences are another and can manifest themselves in any country.
Yet another is the "poverty trap" some people find themselves in, even from birth. Who can blame a young, attractive, poor woman from a small village for trying to "escape"? What would you do in her situation?
Major issues here are "morality" and "honesty". It doesn't matter how "poor" you are/were. That doesn't make it OK to rip people off and tell endless lies.
Normal human decency is just that. Throw that away and what's left?
A life of constant sorrow, perhaps.
Nobody forced anyone to throw their blinkers away.
:cry:
chilli
Bert,
I have been away for some months and have just read this thread.
I wish you all the best, I know now it feels like the darkest time of your life, but it
will change, time will be your friend. Be kind to yourself !
x all my love, Chilli
Jimbo
Hope you stick around Chilli. Nice to see you back
spicyayam
Kembali's account has been disabled. If anyone has a problem with a post, just use the report feature and please don't reply to any troll's messages. It only means more mess to clean up :)
