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Source: Berita Harian yang Luar Biasa
AUSTRALIAN EXPATRIATE FORCIBLY REMOVED
An Australian expatriate was forcibly removed from his house into a retirement home yesterday morning following repeated appeals from his wife for help.
The truculent expat’, Harry Martin had recently been rapidly deteriorating according to his wife, Witwit until it reached a point where she felt she could no longer cope.
“He always pee into my flower pottie instead of proper use toilet,” Witwit explained. “I fess (fed) up. Anyways he now at really very nice home. No worry, I visit him often.. sometimes.. at least two free times a years.”
The retirement home at Jimbaran, Selamat Rumah Untuk Benar-benar Mengganggu Pengacau Tua Yang Buruk, has becoming an increasingly popular last resort for families of expatriates who have become unmanageable.
The retirement home has strict rules which enables management of the most difficult retirees.
Home Rules
1 Residents will rise at 5.30 am for convenience of staff to clean rooms and make beds. Soiled linen to be washed by residents.
2 Line up for morning hose down at 6 am. Residents will be pleased to know as special treat for Christmas warm water may be used until New Years day.
3 6.30 am Breakfast buffet style. Bring your own buckets.
4 7.30 Compulsory push ups.
5 8 am. Roam the streets until midday.
6 Midday meal.
7 1 pm Roam streets until dinner.
8 5.30 pm Dinner
9 6.30 Compulsory tooth brushing.
10 7.15 pm Lights out.
11 2.30 am Compulsory line up to ensure all residents are safe and returned from outings.
12 3 am Sleep.
STOP THE PRESS:
The editor of Berita Harian yang Luar Biasa apologizes to readers. The above story was written by a work experience trainee and accidentally found its way into the news feed. It seems that Harry Martin today moved into his retirement home and not a “retirement home”.
Mr Martin said he was very embarrassed by the fuss and particularly the TV crews who repeatedly asked him to pee into a flower pot so he could be filmed for the late news.
