In trying to sort out this very complicated story I am missing the point at the very beginning where you went to the Village Head Man and explained to him what you wanted to do and asked his kind advice and how much that would all cost and then to have the agreement governing your access put down in writing and witnessed by the local notary and signed by the head guy?
Then I missed the part where you are hiring lots of local people to work for you both in doing the building/renovation and then later staffing your house/villa when it's finished.
Because if I missed these things maybe the village where you live did too?
So was there any conclusion to this story? Did you get your house built? Still living there? Just wondering what happened in the end...
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
Liesna, it's a such difficult thing that you face in Bali. Sometimes Adat can be a trap for foreigner even for the local. I couldn't give you any solution in this situation. But I have a suggestion or maybe a choise to make this easier. Why don't you try to be a member of Adat since you buy a piece of land there? You don't have to participate in every single even that the village held. You can ask your servants (if he or she is a Balinese) to join it. So people in that village won't treat you like that.