Thread: Expatriate Children on Bali

Hello,
As we are thinking about moving or 'long stay' in Bali next year one of our most important concerns is "what about our kids?" The eldest will be 4 by then (the youngest 1). As we live now in Belgium we have no problem thinking about the quality of schools here. But how about the schools in Bali? Are they good? Are there schools were they can also learn Dutch or do you need a private teacher for that? (I find very little dutch-speaking people on the forum, are there so little dutch-speaking people in Bali or are they stuck in Yogya and Jepara? Did they not find the way to this forum?)
And how are your children coping with the Bali life? Are there also (mixed) couples with children who first lived in Europe, Australia or another western country and then moved to Bali?
Thanks.
Pat

Hi Pat!

Good post…and a good question. I think I’m the only regular poster living in Bali with kids…three boys in my case. If you want, you can see them here: http://www.bali-expat-pictures.com/deta ... mage_id=25

Our oldest, Bima is just over four, and our youngest, Komang, aka, Nyoman Ari is just over one. In the middle, at almost three now is Rama Wishnu. He’s the one in the photo that is not too pleased!

In my humble opinion, there is nowhere else on earth that I would rather raise children than right here on Bali. We live in a kampung, or a very traditional Balinese village, called Bunutan, which is slightly north of Ubud. Our population is just a little over one thousand, so we all know one another. My older boys are free to walk the village at will, and without any worries from me or my wife. Indeed, Balinese children are raised as much by the village as they are by the parents. The word “community” means something here in Bali…now sadly lost in most of the West.

Schooling is an issue to be reckoned with. For our oldest two boys, my wife drives them every day (except Sunday) to their school in Denpasar, which is about an hour journey each way. It’s a grueling routine for my wife, especially considering that our oldest is only in kindergarten, and Rama is in pre-school. To help in the balance of daily activities, I do a large part of the cooking, although I prefer Eri’s delights to my attempts.

As a supplement to my boy’s “formal” education, I have taken up home education. While on various business related travels, I always shop the book stores, and buy lots of books geared towards educating the young in math, English, history, science and etc. I try to spend at least an hour a day with Bima and Rama working with these books.

Being an inherently lazy kind of person, I have learned to put that trait into positive use. I only speak English to my children, as my skills with bahasa Indonesia are very limited, and only second to my lack of skill with bahasa Bali. This has worked very, very well. My boys know English from me, (and a little from my wife), Indonesian from my wife, and Balinese from our pembantu and the rest of our village. Bima, who is not yet five, is already proficient in all three languages. He’s two up on me, and a tenth my age!

In the end, I have no stress about the education of my children. Actually, having many expatriate friends with children, they don’t seem to stress either. We all realize that our children are being raised in an entirely wholesome and marvelous environment. Free of the highly competitive atmosphere of western schools, our kids are free to learn at their own pace, and without pressure.

Learning should be a joy and a pleasure. Education is not measured by collegiate degrees from ivy league colleges. Some of the most intelligent and wise Balinese I have met, never got through primary school. Living in Bali has caused me to re-think this whole issue of educating our young.

Thanks for your reply. Something else I want to ask you. My wife is from Java. Do you think that's a problem when we talk about integrating in public (Bali) life? And is it easier to adjust to real life if you life in a kampung or is it more interesting to life in een expat-community?
The experience we have when we stay in Java with my wife her parents and family is that people (and salesmen, streetvendors, musicians..) in the neighbourhood very quickly know that we are there and always hang around, watch every step.... and hope something falls of the car for them(???) Do you experience the same in your kampung? Do they always expect something from you...? While I always try to be one of them and not to attract to much attention they look at me like I am that different from them. They make the distance not me. It's no critic and I don't want to generalise it. It's sometimes a bit confusing. Hope I can express myself clearly enough because English is only my third language.
Greetings Pat,

Pat, my situation is pretty unique. The kampung I live in is my wife’s village, and her family is highly regarded on a number of levels…one being her father’s well known alang alang business, a brother in law in the Bali legislature, and another brother in law being one of the most famous Balinese artists, designated a National Artist of Indonesia by past president Megawati. So, although I was the first Tamu to move into Bunutan, the transition was not all that difficult.

No, you should not experience any problems in Bali due to your wife being from Java. Many of my expats friends are married to Javanese, and several of these women are best friends with my Balinese wife. There are many cultural similarities between Islamic Javanese, and the Balinese. Bali has a very large population of Javanese as well as from other areas of Indonesia.

For sure though, living in a kampung has certain expectations. Becoming a member of the banjar, or at least expressing your desire to be a member is important. Most villages have at least three, if not five public temples. These temples require a great deal of time and expense to maintain. As a member of a village, even if not Hindu, a certain expectation to help with this important endeavor is expected of all. After all, we don’t pay real estate taxes, so consider this as a civic responsibility.

Virtually every expat I know has stories about acclimating to life on Bali, especially those who live in small villages. The ones that have made it, that are successful, all share a commonality of being patient, and forever remembering that in the end…Bali is for the Balinese.

I find it very interesting how everyone has a different tale to tell of the experiences they have had as they have tried to slot into Balinese lifestyle and integrate into the culture. Some have been more successful than others and i think that Roy has a good point in being patient. Roy you dony appear to have had any hang ups or problems or if you have you have just let them go over your head and carried on or as you put it been patient. As you say always remember that everyone can experience Bali and have a little bit of it but primarily Bali is for the Balinese. Another common hang up with a lot of people as they try to settle into a village is being accepted totally by the members of the village. Again maybe it depends on the status of the family you have become related to although i bet even this does not mean you will be treated as everyone else in the village. Again i am just giving my thoughts on this and perhaps only the people who are there to experience it can really tell it as it is. Am i right in what i am saying Roy or are there other reason on acceptance aprt from the obvious ones like trying to be honest and decent to statrt with because if your none of these mate it dont matter where you try to integrate into as it wont be long before your found out.

Interesting thoughts

Regards Sparky

Sparky, I agree. No matter how long a foreign born expat lives on Bali, how proficient they become with bahasa Balinese, or how often they attend temple ceremonies…they will never become Balinese, or regarded as Balinese. Some expats have attempted this total immersion, adopting Balinese names, speaking the language well, and wearing sarongs all the time. Even those who have gone as far as obtaining Indonesian citizenship are still regarded by the Balinese as Tamu…and will always be Tamu. They may be able to be cremated in a Balinese cremation ceremony, and several have in past years, but in the end, they will always be remembered as a foreigner.

For the children of mixed Tamu/Balinese couples, this is often not the case, so long as the children have been raised as Balinese. That is to say, as children, they integrate within the village, do not attend schools for foreigners only, and are actively part of the Bali/Hindu culture. This would include having all the appropriate ceremonies for them that relate to the passing of age including tooth filing prior to their marriage.

One of my closest friends, indeed a Guru for me, is half Balinese and half Dutch. In all respects, he looks foreign, (his father was Dutch), but is surely 100% Balinese on the inside. A true and recognized balian, he has even assisted at major ceremonies held at the mother temple, Besakih. He is a highly regarded teacher of dance, and is often consulted in matters relating to the reading and interpretation of ancient Balinese lontar. Because his mother was Balinese, and Balinese blood flows within his body, he is treated in all respects as a Balinese.

To quote a famous line from the Dirty Harry movie, “a man has got to know his limitations.” Too add a little more to that, an expat has also got to have reasonable expectations.

I like to tell a funny story to newly arrived expats who are wrestling with village acceptance. For the first six months after I moved permanently into Bunutan, the typical question from the villagers was, “where you from?” For the next twelve months the question du jour was, “when you go home?” From then on, it’s just a simple “pagi ba pak” or “how are you?” Another sign of acceptance, or at least tolerance, is that no one ever asks me anymore…“transport?”

Lucky you, Roy! I get asked that question constantly! Along with a whole bunch of others!
Hey, I was wondering though, which school do your kids go to? Although I doubt it, I'm now thinking maybe they go to mine! That would be interesting to think of me teaching your children :)
Love Cassienne

Roy's and Sparky's observations both ring true to me. The 'bottom line', if there is such a thing, is the only way to be 100% Balinese is to be born that way. Everything else is a compromise of one kind or another.

Nothing extraordinary about that. And nothing especially untoward, either. Unless something goes way wrong somehow, and expats will definitely be put in their place (and not necessarily by people with big smiles on their faces). It's quite amazing how swiftly tables can turn (not just on Bali, but throughout Indonesia). Then again, people can get cold-shouldered in western countries, too.

Questions of 'balance' here are fine, so long as the balamce falls squarely with the Balinese. There's been a lot of hoo-ha lately about the proposed bridge across the Java Strait (joining Ketupang in east Java with Gilimanuk on Bali). Various prominent Balinese religious groups are opposed to it because of the polluting effect it'll supposedly have upon 'traditional' Balinese culture. These same geniuses don't seem to grasp the fact that the ferries are there already - have been for many years. The bridge'll make the crossing faster...that's all. Whatever 'damage' can happen to Bali has already happened, and continues unabated.

This sort of thinking just highlights the insular mentality of many Balinese in the first place. And their, perhaps not unwarranted, xenophobia.

And Cassienne - it's not for me to speak on somebody else's behalf, but as far as I know, Roy's children attend a private international school, a very long way away from his village. I'm sure Roy will elaborate on this in his own good time.

:shock:

Sanurian, excellent points and insight. Cassienne, they attend the Denpasar Children's Center. There is a good mix there of both local kids, kids from mixed marriages, and even a few that are from Bule parents.

None of these private schools are cheap, that's for sure...so I hope you're well paid! :D

hey patatje,

I'm a primary school teacher from holland and I'm trying to find a job at an international school in Bali. I think, or at least hope, I can move to Bali next summer. If you're there at that time also and we live not so far from each other I could be a private teacher for your children. Finding a Dutch school in Bali is not so easy (at least I couldn't find one until now) but if you find a Dutch pre-school or primary school can you contact me then?

And Cassienne, I thought you were teaching in a secondary school? But now I understand it's a primary school? Can you maybe help me with finding a job at a primary school?