Thread: The best laid plans of mice and men...

Hi all,

Have just returned from another month in Indo (2 weeks Bali, 2 weeks Java) where I finally had the opportunity to marry my sweetheart in a Kawin Sirih ceremony on Valentines Day. Unfortunately after 2 days of planning and preparation by the ladies and the gathering of 24 male friends and family from the kampung, the Imam sat himself down on the floor and.....a lightning bolt reduced one of our coconut trees to a matchstick not 200 feet away, the heavens opened up with the heaviest rain I've ever encountered and we were plunged into inky blackness! Nevertheless the rain eased and we were able to get the show on the road assisted by 2 candles! Although we weren't able to get many photos because of the blackout and despite not going quite to plan it was a memorable experience and an event that is certainly etched into the memories of Ani and myself. To be honest, it was very romantic to do it by candlelight and it made the Islamic chanting very haunting and moving, I certainly had tingles running up my spine despite not understanding a lot of what was being said.

The ceremony certainly was nothing like what I expected but I managed to get through without any blunders in what I had to do and now I can proudly call Ani my wife. Kawin Sirih is not a 'legal' marriage but rather a religious marriage but despite this we will celebrate this day as our wedding day and I have been accepted into the desa as her husband (except by one recalcitrant bastard who everyone hates anyway). Now its just a waiting game to see if her visa is approved and hopefully in the not to distant future I'll have her by my side all the time. For now, back to the grindstone.....

Regards
Adz

Congratulations!

Taking part in a ceremony where you can't understand what's being said and since it's dark you can't see what's going on and all this accompanied by explosions and fire sounds like the beginning of a marriage made in heaven (or wherever) - it can only get better!

Lottsa Luck :lol:

Congratulation Adam!
And tell us about her visa... than with Kawin sirih you don´t have any paper with marital status. Or she visit your country just with touristvisa?

Salam,
Dyah

Hey Roy whats up?

Wasn't aiming at anybody or thing so take it easy - I've always thought that these perfect marriages, you know white dresses, all the bloody family, perfect plates and silverware, etc. etc. are doomed from the outset. It's the ones like Adam's that last.

Just keep taking the Prozac dude.

Hi Bert, Roy, Dyah and Markit (I think?) thanks for your kind words.

Dyah, we chose to do Kawin Sirih because Ani (my wife) has applied for an Australian Prospective Marriage visa (or Fiance visa). As a condition of this visa we cannot be married legally but must marry in Australia after she is granted the visa. If we were to get legally married we would have to apply for a Spouse visa and a major condition of this visa is that we must have lived together for 12 months, obviously impossible for our situation. Kawin Sirih allowed us to make a more formal commitment to each other and give us married status within the village and community without interferring with the visa requirements. As you can understand, its not a good look for an unmarried Muslim girl to be living with a bule, even in a very moderate village such as ours, so this was a way of paying respect to our friends and family too.

Sorry Markit, but I don't know how to take your posts. I'm not taking a shot at you but if you knew more about Indonesian culture you would understand that 'thats how its done there'. It was far from a disaster, quite the opposite in fact and I think what happened only made it better. For sure, I have a lot to learn still about her culture and religion but the best way to learn is to jump in head first.

I must say however, that the ceremony itself is a bit rough on the ladies. They slave away cooking all day and then the blokes get to sit around and eat it! Hang on, maybe thats not so bad afterall.....

Take care
Adam

Assalaam Aleikum

In the eyes of God you are married. You just have to catch up with the civil side. Good luck to you both for now and the future. I wish you all the happiness in the world.