Thread: forgiveness vs principle

Alot has already been posted on this topic and I agree with most of it.

The only thing I can add is:

LOVE THE SINNER NOT THE SIN!

To pass judgement or have a chip on your shoulder for something the guy did before he was with you is just wrong and cruel. Women forget that men are human too!
Gets a HIV test and move on. If you are the type of person who needs get back at his previous experiences, then you dear have a MUCH bigger issue.

thanks guy for your advise, especially thorsten, truly appreciate that. i believed God would prefer a "shaped" man, remember the story of Jacob, but his name has changed to israel, because he has struggle with God and overcome it.
well, somehow i got to let u guys how i really feel, i feel that i have been cheated, i remember i did ask him about his past but he lied to me and deliberately hide it from me.
he looked like an absolutely decent guy, shy, gentle, courteous and smart. he is almost the guy of my dream. i was a virgin before i met him (i lost it to him in a tragic way which is mainly due to my lack of knowledge as i don't know what is going on during that time, all i know that is quite "painful", well u guess he didn't let me know again). so...u guy can understand how i really feel when i find out his past and i have problem with cleanliness, i am very particular about hygiene (i got it from my dad, my dad is a bit like the guy in the movie "the aviator" but not that serious, we wash hand several times a day, bath at least 2 times a day and long hour bath), my mum always said my dad is a sealord and i am his daughter. definitely, we will go for medical check up for std and HIV.
well he indeed has changed a lot for me, whatever i am not happy about, he promised me he will change it and he did change it, (if that is case, i got nothing to say as he walk the talk, can't really complain) and he is great that his life has changed after he met me and i truly love him.
i honestly told him, if i knew his actual past (i know he got 1 ex-girlfriend before me only), i am pretty sure i won't go out with him at all. in fact, i got a lot of cool and smart girl friends are single, with good career has a house or apartment of their own and travel around. well, i think maybe there is no decent guy in this world anymore. like most of my girl friends said, the guy nowadays is not darn good.
maybe it is just my desire to get a guy who is originally good and decent, but God prefer me to get a "shaped" one. well, currently i am happy enough to accept that, life need to move on, i guess i have learnt something new in life. thornsten is right, LOVE and compassion is greater than principle.

well, maybe i am a bit slow to find out about that, he doesn't like me to use this word "rape" to describe what he did to me. he admitted he was impatient and selfish. (in fact, i find he is quite please that he did it, when i questioned him, he just smiled away and said"yeah, u are mine, u can't run away"). it is too late to point finger and i believe i got a part to be blamed as well.
anyway I have fallen in love with him, so i have to look ahead instead of the past. we went to did premarital health test, i will get to know the result tomorrow, hope everything is ok.

If you feel you did get raped you would surely not be able to love him no? You're not bothered by this experience? I can tell you this.. if you were my daughter and i'd find out your boyfriend raped you just so that he would "own" you in some way.. drastic action would surely be undertaken.

tommy, of course -he- doesnt like to use the word rape for what would otherwise be couched as mere impatience and the male imperative to take what is his, especially something from someone who hasnt the perspective or experience. men often gamble that love will follow and in these cultures it is called bride stealing when there's a marriage of sorts but that act of socalled impatience and possession is actually an act of violence and domination usually NOT in the bride stealing theater aspect of culture which we -god help us - complicated, hapless, western women- have learned to call by any other name, rape.

hi! thorsten, u think that i must be very young, in fact i am going to 30 years old this year november, i know most of the sexual issue or even watch porno movie before. but when come to practical, it just start from zero. it is just i am easily to believe a person and trust that he won't hurt me and will get the consensus from me before he "do" anything on me.
well, it is all in the past and go to look ahead, he has been very nice to me, whatever i am not happy about, he always promise me he will change it, and he does walk the talk, and i got nothing to say, the most important thing is i do love this guy.
by the way, we got the medical results yesterday for stds and HIV, we are clean, which is good : )