Thread: Westerners through the eyes of Asians

Hello all. I'm the wife or Dr. Lothar. It's actually not me who is writing this, but he, my husband does. I talk to him whilst he writes, and I tell him if something he writes is wrong to my eyes, or should be expressed otherwise.
I'm Indonesian and originate from Aceh on the northern tip of Sumatera. In my veins flow Arabian blood, Indian Blood, Thai bloof, Dutch blood, Portuguese blood, and Chinese blood. I have Polynesian looks and could as well be from Hawaii, Tahiti, Samoa, or even Somalia. My face has something of everything, of all those bloodlines. I'm slim and well shaped, and because I'm not that tall I'm always forced to look up to my husband :)
I tell you how I look because these specific looks were important to my husband when he chose me to marry him. Not only my looks of course were important, but also the way I feel and behave, the way I think and project myself to the world - but more on this later. He says I fascinate him, even after 8 years of marriage.
I say he fascinates me too. He is BIG in my eyes, much taller than me. His hair is white, his eyes are blue, and he is so strong that when he cuddles me I have to constantly care that he won't break my ribs. He won't even notice I guess, because he always says he touches me gently. Well, I guess he tries, but I better be careful nonetheless :)
You see, I am sitting here and help my husband writing this story for you because we want to explain how different I am from him. I am an Asian, he is a Westerner. That's two worlds apart, and 500 years ago we would have never met. And a bit later, only because the Westerners like my husband were so greedy they set out to invade the whole world, and that's why eventually I'm now his wife. He has changed me a lot. I have become very western in my behaviour at times, disgusting actually, but I have to adapt myself. If I wouldn't adapt myself my marriage wouldn't be happy, that's what I think, and because I have been taught from small that it's my duty to make my husband happy I try to adapt.

You see, the Westerners are so careless - with their dresses, with their possessions, with their time, with their money, with their rules, with their manners, with their ceremonies, with nature, with their relatinships, with politics and more. They are pretty generous though, as victors in war, as neighbors, and lately also as benefactors through the UN. But then again they are very self indulgent, always pursuing material things. And they are prone to extremes in emotional expression, unbelievably open so many times, always at the wrong times to my eyes. They are usually honest (which lands them in trouble, hehe), and for them ambition and success is paramount. They are so brash, yet demand always too much of themselves. And they are complacent, yet very arrogant, and ethnocentric, embarrasingly so. They misunderstand honor. They are ethnocentrically imperialistic and have an overwhelming disregard for other systems,. because they are so overly proud of their own systems. They even have no real aristocracy, but what they have is called democracy, and everybody gets a headache because of that. But they are very recourceful, love common sense and results, inventions, innovation and flexibility. Actually the only thing important to them is 'NOW', which is also disgusting in a way, because what does it matter if things get done later, as long as they get done. They are individualistic, always trying not to 'fit other's mold', and become very fierce if encroached upon their patriotism. Especially the Americans become always so fierce when someone dares to criticize them. And then of course the Westerners are very rude. They point at eachother with fingers, they point their feet into eachothers faces, they look you straight in the eyes, which is all horrifying rude to me. And they always say what they actually think, which is outright stupid.
The Westerners emphasis on punctuality and efficiency is often distressing to us people from Asia. They are gregarious on the first meeting, and this is often misinterpreted as an intended deep friendship. They always want to stand in the middle of the spectrum, which to us reserved Asians seems too forward and impulsive. They are so proud of the degree of individual freedom, particularly in the political arena, that they enjoy, but us Asians are often disturbed by what we consider too much freedom, such as the widespread personal ownership of weapons in America for example.
Westerners have a funny sense of family. They give us females a strong role at home and promote the children's independence, but on the other hand they disregard the care for aged family members and and have no sense for strong family unity.
Because us Asians dress more carefully and conservatively then them ,we automatically relate what we consider casualness and fashion with looseness in morality, even sexual provocation. The Westerner's open society and free press, especially the sensational press, cast an image around my part of the world of western countries besotted by crime, and when we travel there we fear for our own safety. And then look at their schools! In my culture, the teacher is not only a firm disciplinary figure but high on the social hierarchy. Imagine how we are shocked to see what we consider rudely disrespectful attitudes toward teachers and school administration by Western students and parents alike.
And lastly, so many Westerners are so stupid, especially the Americans and Australians. They have a general lack of knowledge about world geography, compounded by their pervasive monolingual society, and such are a great disappointment to most Asian visitors.

So now my husband says I have said everything on how an Asian looks at Westerners. Actually not, but I'll be polite and just say ok, because when he says enough is enough, I better shut up.

And me, Lothar, being the husband of my lovely wife, must say here that she's not wrong. At least she was honest. She said exactly what she thought, which is a seldom occurence in our relationship. And some of you can now think about if she is right in what she sees in us Westerners. Lastly for me - don't be shocked - I have adapted myself to her, and actually see the world now as she does, as if through her eyes. That's why I'll stick with my over the past 30 years Asian inherited values for the rest of my life, which are:

Asian Pacific Cultural Values:

Filial piety or respect for one's parents or elders.

Unquestioning respect for authority. One is taught to respect those who lead, to be loyal, trustworthy and to follow through on assignments.

Patriarchial authority of the elder. The parents define the law and the children are expected to abide by their requests and demands. The father is generally authoritarian, distant and reserved but his position is respected.

Extended family - an extension of filial piety. Asians in the past have valued large families. Extended family included the immediate family and relatives. it is the responsibility of the family members to provide for the elders. in the Asian family, as one approaches old age, it is the beginning of relaxation and respect.

Loyalty to family. Independent behavior that may disrupt the harmony of the family is highly discouraged.

Concept of shame. One must not bring dishonor or disgrace to one's self or family.. Also, this concept is used as a controlling factor in the behavior of the family.

Vertical authority - Goes from top to bottom in the extended family. One is not encouraged to criticize or confront an individual publicly.

Father and son relationship is important because sons are valued to continue on the family name.

Control of emotions, self discipline and self control is emphasized. This suppression of emotions gave rise to the stereotypical nation of "the inscrutable Asian." One should only speak when spoken to, speak only if one has something important to say, have inner stamina/strength to tolerate crises. be a solid performer and not show any emotion.

Asian women are expected to carry on domestic duties, marry and have children.

Education is highly valued. Children learn to obey at home and are expected to do so at school. They are taught to follow all the rules and regulations, respect authority and to spend all of their time studying to obtain high grades. Scholastic achievement is highly prized and co-curricular activities are given low priority.

Group consensus is valued in the decision-making process. Collective decision-making, collective responsibility and teamwork are stressed. Rugged individualism is not esteemed.

Interdependence not individualism is valued. Put group/family needs before individual needs.

Perserverance, conformity, loyalty, hard work and frugality are values sough after.

Fatalism. Acceptance of ambiguity and uncertainty. Willingness to be patient accept things are they are.

Humbleness. The visibility of the group not the individual is stressed. Power is shared collectively. Not polite to accept public recognition or to call attention to oneself. Hard work will be recognized and rewarded.

Success syndrome. Becoming successful is paramount. Find the safest and least visible routes to success. Choose careers that are safe but respectable. Fear of failure and fear of brining shame to the family are dominant forces. Risk taking is not encouraged. Success = Stability/Respectability.

And that's all, as Bert would say :lol:

note: as to not here someone accuses me of plagiarism:
the last part : Asian Pacific Cultural Values are taken from a study I
saved 2 years ago and fits completely to what I wanted to express.

we've just been flamed! Frau Herr Doktor Lothar tars with a mighty broad brush. Lothar, this is difficult to respond to because I most certainly do not wish to attack your wife in any way. This is partly out of my personal respect for you, and also because I shudder to think, given your world view as espoused above, how you would react to someone who disses the Mrs., regardless of provocation. Some of the stereotypes she gives voice to are certainly not unique to the Asian perspective; I have heard the same things from Europeans from time to time.
I nonetheless take exception to being called, among other things, arrogant, horrifying rude, disgusting, and stupid. Oh, she wasn't talking about ME? Sorry, but my innate ("especially", as an American!) stupidity, as well as my manifestly undisciplined education, draw me right to the syllogism here:
behemoth is a Westerner
Westerners are (insert above invective here)
Therefore behemoth is (insert invective here).

Just giving me an idea of what it is like to have the shoe on the other foot for a change? Sorry again, but the shoe has been on the other foot my whole life. I grew up in West Virginia, which as you may know (but if not, don't worry, I will not revile you as being stupid or ethnocentric) leads one to being stereotyped as a redneck, white trash, genetically inbred, and deficient in shoes, teeth, and IQ. I do not appreciate being the target of bigotry, nor am I inclined to accept it without comment.

We as a people have much to answer for in our policies, attitudes, and behaviors. I am not making excuses for the excesses and the deficiencies of America or the West at large. The valid points your wife raises are hard to respond to when couched in insulting (to me, anyway) language and gross generalizations.

As for our preference for democracy as opposed to aristocracy, guilty as charged, and no apologies from me on this one!

you get it wrong, but it's not your fault. This whole thing was meant as an answer to people who were flaming Asians quite recently (on the other forum), and we thought we give that an ironic reply, just as stereotyped as the other was, but way less nasty.
So now, some things go wrong from the start, as did this dreaded thread of mine. I should have never have posted it without properly reading what she wrote, and where she got it from that is, hehe.
You find me in the midst of a larger desaster, and tears were flowing here at my home.
But be assured that she is anything else than arrogant or high nosed about Westerners. Not at all. She's very sweet and humble, and loves Westerners more than their own. That's one of the reasons she married me :)
Therefore, short of deleting this whole thread, I apologize here as well as I did there, and let it all stand here as a perfect example of my own failures. Cheers :idea:

Behemoth is mollified---olive branch accepted :wink:

Just got redirected here. O.k. that was an attempt at irony, which wasn't showing in print.
Am always interested in how other cultures see us, and so, if your wife would like to really express her own views at some time, that'd be great. Can handle the warts and all stuff, however, always appreciate balanced observations.
Hi to your wife. :)

when the tears subiside :)

direct response or not, it did fit in :)

Thorston i liked your thoughtful poem. Everyone wants to be a critic, so who cares, write some more!
P.S. imagine the critique session i would've got if my naughty thoughtless little ditty hadn't been (thankfully) deleted. :wink:


Mrs Lothar, quit that crying. Sheesh :roll: ! You're going to have a good laugh about this in the future, guarantee it, if you haven't started to already. Might be some remnants of :oops: attatched to the memory, no biggie. Take it from someone who has embarressed herself in print on numerous occasions, hahahahaha.
For many reasons, i find the replies to your post more interesting, and am sure others do too.