Thread: Today is not a good day

I'm sorry for you, that you feel like this today....But I must say I was shocked when I read that you only saw your son about 3 times when he was already 5 years old...
I want a family myself also in a few years, but I really can't do that if I know a can't spend as much time as possible with them....

In The Netherlands we had a commercial on TV a few years ago, I think about spending more time with your family. There was a small boy, sitting at the dinner table, wondering "Who is that man, who comes to cut the meat every sunday". (the man was his dad) I always felt sorry for the boy when I saw that....

Ehm..I don't really know what the point of my post is...I don't want to make you feel more down. But I just feel really bad myself when I read that a young boy only saw his father 3 times (I'm a teacher in kindergarden, maybe that explains my post)

Jimbo,

I can understand what you are feeling bad about. During my four years in Pakistan, I went through a daily ritual at breakfast and dinner of thinking about my children (and wife) who were back in Bali while I was working in Pakistan. As you say, that sort of life does take a toll on one's relationships with their family. But, also as you note, it does have its benefits - financial mostly - which makes the whole experience even more difficult because while missing the family, you are also enjoying the good things in your life. (In my case I had a wonderful servant (as we call them in Pakistan), a pleasant house with a beautiful garder, a nice new car, plenty of money, the respect and affection of my co-workers, and the unique experience of living in Pakistan.)

Once, a number of years ago, I used to counsel men who were living in one country with families in another, to give up their jobs and go home to live with their families. Ironically, I ended up in a similar situation a few years later.

It's the downside of being a professional expat and all we can do is get through those rough days by focusing on the benefits of our situation and not the negatives. And...keep dreaming and scheming about ways to get to the place where we can be united again with our families.

Best and keep on truckin,

Bruce

Okey, everybody has to earn money, but to choose a job that pays good for the cost of spending very little time with the family is just wrong... me myself had a father who always was away for business trips and my time with him in my upbringing was very limited. As a result of that our relationship is now far from where I think both of us would like it to be.

What I mean is that it`s very important to spend alot of time with you family and especially with your kids when they are young. I think It`s hard to start build up the relationship when you get retired and your kids are older and busy with their own lifes.

Bruce,

I`v red some of you stories and find them very interesting and I have got big respect for you, but I qoute:

(you are also enjoying the good things in your life. (In my case I had a wonderful servant (as we call them in Pakistan), a pleasant house with a beautiful garder, a nice new car, plenty of money, the respect and affection of my co-workers, and the unique experience of living in Pakistan.)

I just don`t get that, was it worth it?

I thought that being an longtime expat would get onself away from all this westernized material obsession, but perhaps just in some cases.

As I am in my early twenties I havn`t yet had the experience many of you guys had, with creating a family and make it work, but to value material things and status front of family just feels wrong.

Jimbo...

I can't imagine if I am in your position (or your family's position). I am married since 2 years ago, and we're together 24/24 hours... We decide to be together after have been far away only for 2 weeks!! And wanna say that I don't want to be you...

Well, Jimbo... I hope you feeling better after you called your family there...

Matahari,

Just a few comments. First, I think that you misread my post in response to Jimbo. I said that while enjoying the material benefits of my position in Pakistan, I kept dreaming about getting to where I could be with my family. As Jimbo noted, you do what you have to in order to support your family. Situations require flexible responses - that's a large part of being overseas - being flexible.

Second, I don't believe that I've ever wrote that I moved overseas to get away from materialism. If you think that that's what life in the tropics is about, you might want to get some more experience over here. Thefolks that I know want to improve the material aspects of life for their families. My wife comes a very poor background and having financial security is very important for her. I come from a relatively poor family as well, and financial security is a major concern for me. When I look at my Indonesian friends, their desires are not much different from those of my friends back in the States - a good school for the kids, a nice house, three squares a day, having a little money for emergencies, decent clothes, etc. Working away from the family is very common here because of the nature of the Indonesian economy.

Third, was it worth it? Yes it was. I have money saved for my children to go to university if that's what they want, I was able to save a little for myself, and we were able to help out a few other folks as well. Do I regret being away from my family? Yes, I do. it was hard on all of us. I took the position that I have now in order to be with my family. I passed over a better career choice to be here, although I'm far from suffering now.

And for Jimbo. A teacher (me, in this case) who has a non-teaching spouse has a very small chance of bringing their family along with them when they work overseas. Relocation costs are just too expensive to justify hiring a family guy or woman who does not have a teacher for a partner. That's the downside to being an overseas teacher with a non-teaching spouse.