Thread: A story in very bad taste.

Dark Ganymede says dyed Castilliana, "I was just perusing some of those internet dating services, wow, what a lot of cute guys, there was 757-AV8R, YURISLAV-5, NIGHTKING, DRBONG, DNGRMAN-78, FITGUY1, 6ULEULCIM4U, HEALER43, LUVMUNKEE, KIDROCKLOOKALIKE-2, DYMPLSNWIT96, MTURLUVR-00, CONTORTRIX, CUTEBOY1979, BOW-37, RIPPEDSTUD, KHASHU-68, LILDVL-1, OLAF70, HASSAN360, MRBIG54, ANGELBOB, BUFFMANN10, TUGG70, MITOO-07, -1FIREMAN-999 and of course OH,OH!-SEVEN."

Castilliana, ever so slightly taken aback responds, "Ganymede don't you ever think of Tracheoesophageal fistula, Larval diphyllobothriasis, Staphylococcal, Gonococcal endocarditis, gram-negative bacteria, Syphilitic peritonitis, Flu pandemics, Salmonella gastroenteritis, Salmonella septicemia, Staphylococcal, Clostridium perfringens, Vibrio vulnificus, Amebiasis, Amebiasis: unspecified, Amebic nondysenteric colitis,Intestinal trichomoniasis, Pseudomonas, Yersinia enterocolitica, Lethal hemorrhagic fever, Tuberculous peritonitis, Diphyllobothriasis,
Anisakiasis, Strongyloidiasis, Trichostrongyliasis, Intestinal helminthiasis, Tracheoesophageal fistula and of course Anaerobes?"

"Yeah, sometimes" said Ganymede.

MORE TO COME...

I guess I wasn't expecting much of a responce on this one.

There was never a follow up planned, god forbid!

While outside yet another para-military execution took place, such was the afternoon drawing room repartee between the widow Ganymede and the spinster Castilliana. It went on like this for thirty odd years and twelve palace coup-de-etats, but they all lived happily ever after.

about those thirty odd years! Just how odd were they? Tell us, Py. Please?

Originally Posted by Bert

Are you testing the skills of the moderators ??? :twisted:

As long as Mr. Py doesn't use any 'bad' words (category 'familiar') in his unexpected but interesting verbatim expressions, he can use all space he wants as far as I am concerned. The only limitation in this respect might be the storage capacity of your server :roll: :lol:

Having successfully placed the faithless lush Mugg Scruggs beneath a bed of daisies in the 'Olfactory Eternal Slumber cemetery', the most desirable and only necropolis in the tiny hamlet of Intercourse, the merry nymphomaniacal and polymorphously perverse widow Ganymede and her lifelong intimate, the man-hating virago Castilliana, proceeded to dance atop the laboriously poisoned husbands still fresh corpse.
"Hey' croaks Ganymede suddenly, the colateral arsenic giving her that jaundiced look as it does in the gloaming, "what inscription shall we place on old Muggs tombstone?"
Panting, Castilliana stops her vulgar glisando lambada mid thrust, crinkles her Pre-Raphaelite meets 'Blow up' brow and ejaculates shrilly, "been thinking about just that Pumpkin. How do these sound?

1. Single dead male seeks necrophile. Age/Race/Gender/Species unimportant.

2. Went out ...cigarettes and beer.

3. I always lived in the future, well I guess I'm here.

4. BEEP!!! ...shoulda tried that religion sh*t!

5. No graffiti! No loitering! No drinking! Unless, you dig me... get it?
6. Check this site for updates.

7. You missed it girls!

8. Things just ain't happening for me any more.

9. Dogs and maggots still want me.

10. I'm falling apart!

11. Life? Tell me about it!

12. You're probably carrying some of my D.N.A. I was that kinda guy!

13. I'm not wearing anything underneath

14. Be back as someone soon.

15. ...Still beep!

16. I was something else once!

17. I got a clone walking around in case your interested.

18. Still here, it's not too late! (Parts may be disassembled).

19. I was something special. Interested in spreading my fabulous genes down the generations, call my grandsons, Bruce: (Aus.) 86.735-5390, Buck: (Can.) 475.731-2327, Hank: (U.S.A.) 1.616.702-5518, Paulo: (Brazil) 55.21.578.0894, Rufus: (S.Africa) 74.387.9632, Moisha:(Israel) 62.779.965-5935, Mgumbe: (Cameroon) 837.722.0743, Damien: (U.K.) 44.71.6502.7791, Günter:(Argentina) 866.735.9007

20. Please contact Chief Inspector Harlan O'Dowd at Scotland yard and tell him to and look for a Westminster Bank transfer from 27.9.78 in my wife's name

21. Try my hand phone: 081.236.46997. If no answer, try my agent, Jay at Acme Talent. They say he can work miracles and that he'll be around forever ......I,m ready for my comeback now!

"I dunno" muses Ganymede thoughtfully, "we don't want to attract undue suspicion do we?"


* Beep's by moderator

Well, I've been thinking about being composted when I die, but reading all these great epitaphs is making me reconsider. I am fond of having the last word. Py, I'll bet you are saving the best epitaph of all for yourself, but may you not have need for it for another hundred years.

Here float the ashes of done dead and gone me,
returned once more to the sea.
My earthly posessions I left to any old thief,
My mortal flesh I left on the reef.
Now a phantom rider free to roam,
through hells blood red barrels,
over reefs of bone.

This is haunting and lovely! I wish I could come up with something half as cool. All I could think of was:
Here lie the bones of behemoth Muldoon
She tarried on earth and she left us too soon.

The only problem is, my name isn't Muldoon, so that would mean I would have to marry someone with that name, and I don't know anyone. And it is so restricting to have that narrow category, sort of like one of these middle aged white guys you read about saying, well, I don't have someone in particular in mind, but it's gotta be a beautiful, petite, submissive southeast Asian teenager who will agree to be under my thumb and never contradict me, and treat me like a minor deity all the time instead of a flesh and blood fellow human. Y'know what I mean? Like that Henry guy. And anyway, what if I did, and then thought of a better epitaph somewhere along the line, that didn't rhyme with Muldoon? Then what? I'm sorry, I hope I don't sound obsessed, but Bert keeps BUGGING me to write a sequel to that story. I rue the day....