Valentines Poll: Expat Balinese Romances

[Tommy]

great post Jabber! :lol: I'm glad you took my explanation the right way. I will surely use the :lol: instead of the :) from now on whenever i throw in my far-fetched humour... or maybe i should just refrain from it until i get to know the person better. :shock: I didn't assume any of you guys, jimbo, matahari or you picked up girls in Bars nor would it bother me if you did. I think the point was that there were some views that i felt was abit too stereo-typical, but that had nothing to do with my word-game. :?

The beans are on offer on Isle 3?

Nah it didn't happen like that really. :lol: A sudden heavy monsoon rainshower stopped me on my way to class in Denpasar in i think -98. I didn't bring a "mantel" (raincoat) so i had to go look for one in the nearby supermarket. She worked there (not in the actual supermarket-part but another company) and i was simply chatting with her by the cash-register before i had to get on to class. About a month later i got 2 free rafting-tickets to the Ayung River from my Guru coz he was afraid of water. Apparently he won them at a Nusa Dua conference of some sort.. I accepted them and though it might be fun to ask the her out for this rafting-experience which was also new to me. Badabing badaboom we became good friends and did similar activities for about 1 year before we both felt those lovin' emotions... as i said earlier i was abit thick-headed and unexperienced when it came to ladies, though this was after high-school. :shock:

The Big M-word
We havn't got married due to several reasons. First we havn't felt we're ready for it. Secondly I had to sort out and adjust my economy and work to Bali. Thirdly, since we'll marry as Hindus with a traditional Balinese wedding at home in Denpasar we have to build a Bale-Bali. This is where all the offerings will be prepared and possibly the ceremony take place in. Her family is not a wealthy one so both of us has been contributing from our different incomes to both renovate the family-compund, support her brothers and sisters highschool and univeristy-fees and also to save up for a very large solid fine-stone bale-bali. Then there are expenses for the actual ceremony with a very extensive guest-list as we both know tons of people in Bali and abroad who might come. Needless to say.. it takes time for us to prepare our wedding. Now on the otherhand my work and new income has given us free hands so the bale-bali will be built after this monsoon-season. As it has been built we'll just have to "feel around" and ask ourselves if it's the approperiate time to get married. And of course... i have to ask her fathers permission and probably discuss my intentions with people from her large family or banjar before we get "green light". :wink: No rush though. Everyone knows me and i am a part of the family, but we havn't made that official move quite yet.

ps. anyone here.. please don't feel refrained from calling me a wankah. to me it's all goood! :lol: (bugil beneran nih! :lol: )

[JabberWokker]

Hi Tommy,

Good post. Good luck with the wedding.

Despite being married for seven years I am also getting pressure of having to do a proper Balinese Wedding when I get to Bali. I am a bit nervous about this, but it gives me an excuse for another stag night. All expats in Bali invited, including yourself. Or maybe should we go to Thailand for the weekend :lol:

Regards,

JabberWokker.

[Thorsten]

Err, eh, Ni Luh :oops:











Kadek & Thorsten :wink:

[pooochie]

Kadek & Thorsten :wink:

:shock: Congratulations 8) :D

I am very happy for you both. So the predication is true and you will end up in Bali :D .

Kadek: Where are we going to go for the “Hen Night” :?: How about Christmas Island and we will spend the mens money :lol: or Berlin offers some interesting party areas :lol:

Best wishes

Ni Luh

[Roy]

Jabber...not to kick a sleeping dog as you and Tommy worked this out very well...but a question. Is the w*****ker word used and perceived differently by the English versus the Australians? I ask this only because I hear that word used with some frequency by my Ozzie expat friends and it seems innocent enough as they banter the word about like it’s a tennis ball.

Jimbo, I should apologize for coming down on you so hard. When I wrote that post last night I had just returned from a function at the Amandari and met someone from the US who was so prejudicial about the Balinese. Thankfully this person doesn’t live here in Bali, just staying a month at the Amandari. Funny isn’t it, how so many people with lots of money can be so dumb? My point is, I was already primed and ready to fire.

Here in Bali it isn’t all that easy even for Balinese men to meet Balinese women. For the vast majority of Balinese, they simply do not socialize in bars, nor do they often eat in restaurants. For them it’s the local warungs were they may meet and talk with friends. Most villages have within their adat system something like a “young person’s organization.” This group within the banjar consists of the unmarried men and women of the village. Most of these groups hold what they call a Basar every year to raise funds for the village temples/schools, etc.

These events consist of food and beverage within a temporary facility, often very creatively assembled, and they provide music and other entertainment. These last about three or four days, and for the young people affords them a great opportunity to meet other young men and women from other villages. Schools and temple ceremonies also provide another opportunity for the youth to meet each other, form friendships, and maybe find their “dream” spouse.

Understandably enough, this topic, “how did you meet your spouse” gets kicked around in expat discussions with some frequency. Some of the ways these two ships passing in the night actually anchored together are:

-On a plane
-At work
-She was my student (school girl uniform fetish)?
-At temple, or some type of ceremony...including one couple at a cremation!
-At Matahari.... or other shopping
-Introduced by a friend
-At a seminar
-On the beach
-She was my pembantu

And even one expat that married his masseuse! Now THAT is one smart guy!

Anyway Jimbo, I hope no hard feelings!

[Jimbo]

None whatsoever Roy. My post was nothing to do with the Balinese but more about expat men. I was fairly certain I would get a strong reaction and not only from you. It is not a condamnation of either the girls or the boys or even the circumstances that bring them together.

It was more about my observations of the last 33 years and what I have seen in the counties I have lived and worked in. Poochie changed the criteria from just Bali to Indonesia in general. I am guilty of widening the horizons even further :-)

The ceremony you talk about reminds me of the time I was a Gurkha liason officer in Nepal looking for candidates to recruit for the British Army. There was a similar kind of party held in the village. All the girls were on one side of the room and all the boys on the other. After a period of time for food and a wicked kind of local rum everybody started to laugh.

I was the only westerner there and I noticed one or two girls giggling at me ( I was slim and had a full head of hair in those days) Any how all of the parents who had been serving us with the rum gave some what knowing glances. They turned off the kerosene lights and left the room. The next moment in the darkness and out of the shadows came the girls who jumped all of the boy of choice and immediately started kissing and many other things. This was the way of getting to know future husbads and wives and was actively encouraged by the village elders.

What happend to me you will have to wait for my bookto find out :-):-)

[Jimbo]

Wan**r in English is a very offensive term and is said only to a person you want to insult deeply and be prepared for a fist in the face in return.

Its literal translation is "masturbater" but it goes much deeper than this and is used to convey a term of someone who has no worth.

Not worth playing word games Tommy in a language where you do not understand all the nuances.

[BLI GEDE]

Well,
The water is good and boiling hot, so now seems like a great time to jump in! (truthfully, I don't seem to have the sense of self-preservation God gave a fork.)

My vote is for...

YES: love is love and relationships can form anywhere.

As Tommy describes himself as being a bit "thick", I seem to be similarily afflicted. After I met my wife-to-be, It was a few years of letters and visits before anything further developed.

A female friend of mine said to me, on the occasion of her parents' 50th anniversary, that it seemed to her that some of the most successful marriages existed because the couple didn't " fall in love at first sight". They saw one another with all their flaws and weaknesses and decided to make it work, rather than ducking out when dawn's first rays revealed their mate to not be quite as hmmm...Brad-Pitt-esque or Scarlett-Johansson-like as originally anticipated.

At the time I was young-dumb-and-full-of...rum. This revelation seemed a bit boring to me at the time, but as our relationship developed and marriage followed I think my friend was right. Now 10 years on and we are 3. We have certainly had ups and downs, as everyone does I suppose, but we're working at it. I think that mixed couples have a unique layer of problems that don't occur with same-culture partnerships.

When a Western person," Marries Asian" there are certainly prejudices and stereotypes that will be faced by both parties. Before we were married I thought I had a fair picture of what we would face and from whom. I have had some very unlikely people give us support and some seemingly genuine people act like rat bastards.

Par example...
When sorting out my wife's immigration status here, I had to get some bit of paper from the taxation department. After about an hour in front of M(r)s. disinterested civil servant, she sucked in half the quantity of air in the office, exhaled loudly and asked why I hadn't simply married One-Of-My-Own? I waited for the smile..."Could I please speak with your supervisor Maam...":cry:

or...
There once was a Pak Immigrasi from Java,
He felt himself to be ratha' clava',
He sneered ,"Your Wifey's new bliss
will end with the kiss
from the first Thai girl that'll Have Ya!":shock: :evil:

On the upside, we've got half the neighbors hooked on Moose Sate and Lumpia!

I was VERY nervous to meet my new to me mom...On the way to my wife's kampung, (Jatim) she became extremely ill and tried to introduce all of Indonesia to the contents of her stomach. Our well planned and casual entrance consisted of me CARRYING her into her mother's house, putting her into bed, going to the kitchen to root around for a "spitoon" while Ibu stripped said daughter. Then I introduced myself ...ah yes, I'm sure she could see the lovely effect I was having on her daughter...:roll:

Sometime later she told my wife that SHE was so nervous in anticipation of having a bule in her house. What would I eat, why did her daughter want to be with a hairy white man (yes, her words), how would we communicate...When the above tableau unfolded, all these concerns vanished. She said that seeing her in my arms made her feel that I loved her. She added that it helped that I ate rice and tempeh,wasn't fat or hairy, and spoke Indonesian. (ok, those are my words):wink:

As a secondary consideration, I'll admit that Indonesian women are a fascination for me. I suppose we are all wired differently. The"standard kit" that gets males' attantion in the West doesn't do much for me, but By God, 5 minutes at the market with a bevy of trash talking vegetable sellers...be still my beating heart!:oops:

I'll open my shirt and wait for the bullet here...In travels through Sumatra and Java, I found it difficult to relate to females on a platonic level. There were so many cultural and religious demarcations that a simple conversation couldn't progress very far before either a) The female felt that it wasn't,"right" to speak with me...OR...b) Bystanders implied that I was "after" the female, whereupon I felt uncomfortable.

The situation in Bali felt very different though. The reason that I relate this is that it has been suggested that can be difficult to find the right "mate" on Bali. At lest in the Balinese environment there is the freedom to have more than a fleeting snapshot of someone's personality and get to a point where real development can take place. Also, don't forget that many expats are fairly mobile and have the wherewithall to get around as we please and feel that we can speak to whomever we desire (personal limitations aside). Perhaps for Bali/Bali "mate-seeking" this is not the case. If your social scene is tied to your banjar and you're busy making a living, your mixing and mingling is going to be constrained somewhat. No?

Ok, I'm beginning to ramble, and I see that my glass has become distinctly and markedly scotchless...off to the kitchen I pad.

Matur Suksema, Bli Gede

[Tommy]

Not worth playing word games Tommy in a language where you do not understand all the nuances.

Sorry to both Jimbo and Jabber if you find it offensive but it had, as Roy said, nothing to do with Brittish. I don't know any Britts and most of my mates are Ozzies. I didn't say Wanker did i? I said Wankah! Wankah .. with -ah ending is not the same as Wanker .. with -er ending. It seems you both translated a good fun ozzie expression into a britt-insult. I think YOU are the ones who have to get to know all the nuances of English abit better before you start choppin' down this Swede.. mate! :lol:

[jill]

hi Tommy
you are & never will be a W....r, far too nice a person, don't let any school girl bully get to you mate

Bar girls in uk, o ya right, there are just as many there. I'm a brit ...

as for long engagements, thats up to each person and their comfort zone ... not any ones else's problem