Bali Expat Forum - Bali Travel Forum

[Adam]

Hey Ct, cheer up and be grateful that you have choices

Look around you and take notice of that have-nots that plug away every day for 15,000 roop
and go to sleep wondering how they're gunna be able to send their kids to school.......it ain't that hard, you're in the perfect place to find them.

If you're that miserable, come back to Perth, it aint that bad a place to live .

Bali and Indo is a wonderful place but I can understand how it could send you into the state you're feeling right now rather quickly if living there longer term. For now, 3 months a year is enough for me and with Ani having settled here well in Oz, I think thats how it will remain for quite a while. If were lucky enough to have kids we both want them to be schooled here in Oz. That leaves plenty of school holiday periods to return to Indo but, why don't you consider doing something like that? Excuse me if I'm wrong and quite frankly it's none of my business but money doesn't seem to be a problem for you so why don't just commute between Perth and Bali for holidays? It's only 3 1/2 hours on the plane????

[BaliLife]

No empty whiskey glass Tim, but a lot of emptiness at the moment. What's weird is that after a while I almost feel comforted by the emptiness.

And then of course, you pick your kids up from school and their smile to see you brands your chest at 1000•c, and you know you can't have any regrets.

We're going back to Vancouver for 2 months in a week. We're taking the kids on the Disney cruise, but now my mother-in-law will be joining us, so same old same old. It's not all bad, sometimes it seems as though I'm more attached to her family that to her.

The painful question to contemplate is of course, what's next?

Ct

[froggy]

Texas? Whats that? I agree, I think I have chilled a bit, my last visit I was fresh off a deep rooted hatred of the world, Bali was just the "pill" that I needed.... currently I am in the Florida Keys.........

[BaliLife]

Hi Adam,

Thanks for your post. Going back to Perth has always been in both our minds. We've talked about it lots and came close to it on several ocassions.

She loves Perth, and I do too. It sounds stupid, but things feel better when we're there, they really do.

There's not one significant reason why we haven't done it, moreso just a number of tiny reasons. It had crossed my mind a number of times, to head back to Perth in October, rather than coming back here after Vancouver, even if for only a few months or so - to spend some time alone, just us and the kids.

Ct

[Tim]

I know this is a cliche' Balilife but "hang in there". By all your post you seem to be always headed in the right direction and I'm sure that you still are...

[Adam]

No worries Ct.

Its funny how a change of perspective can improve one's outlook on life. I've had the doldrums about living in WA for quite a while, but with Ani finally getting her visa and seeing how much she loves it here has been a real shot in the arm for me. Seeing things again through her eyes has been awesome and the fun she's had even just simple things like a bastard kangaroo jumping out in front of the car, Bream fishing on the Swan and crabbing here in Gero has made me appreciate what we have here in West Oz.

And like I said before, the other good thing about this joint, is its only 3 1/2 hours on a plane to escape it to Bali!

[FreoGirl]

Balilife, don't waste your life away always wishing for something else, and never being happy with what you've got. When you were in Canada you were bored, now in Surabaya sounds the same. If you come to Perth what will change? Sounds to me like you could do some rethinking about your life and start enjoying it for what it is. I think you need to get involved with something, find a passion. It seems to be missing in your life.

Mind you, I think I'd be in the same place as you if I was living in Surabaya too.

[BaliLife]

Hey Adam, you live in Geraldton.. I'm from Geraldton - well actually born in Northampton as Freogirl knows. But I lived in Geraldton from the age of 10 or so til I was 17 (before that in Port Gregory, and on farms around Northampton) - in Geraldton, we lived on Phelps Street, a house my Dad built - they only sold it 2 or 3 years ago..

As much as I hate Geraldton, one thing I always take from there is that people can be happy anywhere - I used to look at my aunts and uncles there and think, how can you live here and be as happy as you are? But I get it now.

As a kid I always associated hapiness with a place and it was typically always a foreign place.. Well perhaps not only as a kid..

Freo, you're right, and that's one of the small reasons we haven't stepped over to perth.. Will it be the defining difference..

You know what the strange thing is, while I can say living with my in-laws has been detrimental to us, the truth is it's not because they're overbearing or anything of the sort. It's been detrimental because we haven't needed each other. She has her parents so I don't feel guilty leaving the house to go out with friends and we communicate with each other in common areas, with little to no privacy.. But I'm guilty here.. Throughout our entire relationship, I've encouraged her parents, my parents, her sister, etc to stay with us because it's given me that buffer that perhaps I've fealt I needed - to say that I might not of realized what I was doing is probably untrue - I knew what I was doing..

Perth might only be different because they're here (in Surabaya) most of the year - but the truth of it is, leaving surabaya is emotionally difficult because of the very reason above.. I have an escape here and so does she, in Perth (or wherever we are, alone), we're bound - her parents not there means I'm neglectful if I go out and actually my closest friend is in Surabaya, not Perth, so that essentially means I don't have many opportunities to escape.. Not having that opportunity / excuse might actually be better for us - and force us to start functioning like a family again..

Another thing I find is that I'm a very poor communicator with my wife. I'm a person who needs to communicate my thoughts (hence being on this forum daily) but I don't feel I can with her. So I turn to others, my brother, friends, my family, hell even the lady at the warung and the guys in the kampung around the corner. I pine that uncensored communication more than anything. They say your wife should be your best friend and I'd be lying if I said that she was - she'd probably be lying too if she suggested I was hers.

Whatever happens, I know writing about it makes me feel better, and so too does reading your responses, so thankyou..

I'm at gloria jeans, finishing up my coffee before going down to pick up my little prince..

Ct

[Sanurian]

Dear froggy
You're sounding like you're in a bad way but trying to be brave about it. If you have a friend or friends around you, they might be able to help. Failing that, the way you're coming across, some serious "professional help" might be the go.

It's a coincidence that you mention this:

...Sorry to ramble on, its been a crappy day - a crappy month and in fact a pretty crappy year. I used to think choices were the greatest thing one could have in life - but I've learnt in the last year or so, that choices can be a curse and a sentence for the type that's never satisfied.. that type being me...

I saw a recent study that looked into the question of modern-day choices and the consequences. The more "choices" we have, the less likely we are to buy Product X. There is a limit because too many choices can make us feel bad about the choices we can't make properly (over-load). Then we experience a concomitant loss for the choices we didn't make. When the choices are limited to around seven, or so, rather than 20-30, we're more likely to buy Product X (less feeling of "loss").

There was one guy in the study who spent six months searching for a new bed/matress. Checked out thousands of them but in the end, didn't buy one. I gather that with a little therapy/counselling, he's learning to make his choices in a different way. Not sure if he finally bought a new bed. Anyway, he reminded me of you.

Given the number of tour/travel agents already here in Bali, I wouldn't be looking at starting up another one. The same goes for internet cafes.

I sincerely hope that you get through your current scenario intact. Best of luck.

[BaliLife]

thanks sanurian, though i think you may have confused some of my posts with froggy's and froggy's with mine, i understand what you're saying.. geez if froggy and i really were the same person, what a bloody basket case we'd be

ct

[Sanurian]

Quite possible, BaliLife

...thanks sanurian, though i think you may have confused some of my posts with froggy's and froggy's with mine...

Sorry about that - might need some counselling myself.

Then again..are you sure you're not froggy?
I thought you were both space-cases ages ago.
Still love you both.

[Jimbo]

They say your wife should be your best friend and I'd be lying if I said that she was - she'd probably be lying too if she suggested I was hers

Looking at the way you feel we seem to be direct opposites. Maria is my best friend but also her extended family is also mine, perhaps even more so as I just love having them around.

Good luck in your choices.

[BaliLife]

They say couples go through patches, can only hope this is just a rough one, and that feeling of friendship and companionship might one day (soon) revert to what it once was.

Ct

[mimpimanis]

Im in Novotel, Lombok to use the net because I cant get on to my email in the usual cafe. Last night after an hour and a half of waiting my turn and then no email and when I was half way through a post on Lombok Lovers, the power cut out... made me decide Novotel prices are worth it.

This afternoon I am driving some guests to Mawun beach, my favourite of Lombok's beaches and it will be my third time there in as many days. They tried to make it there themselves this morning but came off the bike and got a few cuts and grazes.

[Tim]

Ups and downs Balilife, they really never end. Look at Mimpimanis, one minute "up on her bike", the next moment "down off her bike".... (Hope your allright)
Time heals it all Balilife, just give it that time.

[Tim]

Froggy, "what are you up to" down in the "keys"?